I Don’t Need A Man To Have A Child—In Fact, I’d Rather Do It On My Own

I can understand why so many people want to wait until they’re married or at least in a long-term relationship before having kids, but for me, having children with a significant other sounds like a nightmare. It may be unconventional, but this is why I’d much rather go it alone when it comes to having and raising kids:

I’ve seen what happens when parents split up. In most cases, it ain’t pretty. I’d never want my child to get caught in the middle of a divorce between two people who can no longer stand to be around each other. And with the high divorce rate in this country nowadays, there’s a pretty good chance that whatever man I’d choose to have a kid with wouldn’t be the man I’d want to grow old with. Obviously I’d do my best to ensure that my child was kept out of the whole mess, but I’d rather just forego all the drama and raise her myself.

I know exactly how I’d want to raise my child. I like things done a certain way, and that would definitely include child-rearing. Having another person in the mix who didn’t agree with my choices or had his own idea of how he wanted to raise a kid would make things difficult, and I know that in itself would end up being a source of conflict. I’d rather just do things my way, even if that means having to do it alone.

There’s less drama when only one parent is involved. Even when parents DO stay together, having a child is a stressful scenario. There’s a lot to do and a ton of important decisions to be made, and while having two people around to take care of a kid might be beneficial in some situations, it can make other situations way worse. With just one parent around, drama is kept to a minimum. That can’t be too bad for a child, right?

I can’t imagine liking anyone enough to want to have babies with them. I’ve been in love a few times in my life, but I’ve never found a guy I wanted to have kids with. There’s a lot that goes into being a good parent and being able to parent with someone else, and frankly, I’ve never met anyone that meets both of those standards. Love alone isn’t going to be enough for me to have kids with someone, and I don’t know if I’ll ever meet a guy who could fill all the rest of the checkboxes on my list for someone I’d want to co-parent with.

I don’t want to feel pressured into staying with someone for my child’s sake. I know first-hand that it’s often the best decision for parents to split up instead of forcing a relationship so their kids can be happy, so I can’t imagine I’d keep myself stuck in a miserable relationship knowing the damage it could do to everyone involved. But I know the pressure to stay together would still be there, making an already stressful and upsetting time even harder if things did go south.

Single moms successfully raise kids all the time. It’s not like I’d be the only mom out there to do it on her own. I know plenty of women who’ve raised kids without the help of a partner, and while it wasn’t easy, they wouldn’t have it any other way. Maybe I’d reconsider my decision if every single mom I knew had really struggled or had regrets, but after seeing all the success stories for myself, I know I could do it too.

I’m independent to a fault. I’ve always liked doing things by myself, and I don’t see that changing any time in the future. Even in elementary school, I preferred working alone instead of with a partner, and now that I’m older, I know I’d prefer taking on the challenge of having kids on my own. For some it might be a bit more challenging, and I’m sure there will be times when I’ll question my choice, but I know that in the end, my independent nature would never allow me to become a parent any other way.

I have people I could turn to if I needed help. I wouldn’t be completely on my own with this. I’d never have a child without being completely prepared, and I have friends and family members who’ve already said they’d be willing to lend a hand in case of an emergency or if I just needed a babysitter for the day. I’d never rely on other people completely, but it’s not like I’d be stranded if I found myself in need of an extra person.

I never want to have to deal with custody problems if things go wrong. My issues with not wanting to potentially share custody over my child aren’t selfish; I just know from experience how stressful it can be for a kid when their parents are debating who should get them and when. By being a single mom, I can know for sure that I’ll never have to experience such a struggle with an ex-partner.

I know my potential child wouldn’t be worse off for having a single parent. Nay-sayers like to claim that kids raised in single-parent households are missing out on the “true family experience”, but that’s BS. Plenty of amazing, well-adjusted adults were raised by single moms or dads, and I know that I have it in me to bring up a happy, healthy child on my own.

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