Ladies, Please Stop Having Your Friends Help You Draft Texts To The Guy You Like

Boy meets girl, girl gives boy her number, boy texts girl, the girl spends 20 minutes asking three of her friends how to respond only to come up with a generic response that in no way is reflective of the girl’s personality.This looming pressure strategic conversation is exhausting. The best thing you’ll do for your love life is saying adios to text co-authors. Here’s why:

  1. He’s interested in talking to the genuine you. He scooped your number after talking with you, not your 3+ personalities. Unless you consulted your friends while talking with this guy face-to-face (this is weird, I really hope you don’t do that) ditch the peanut gallery and stick with your gut responses.
  2. When you talk in-person again, it will be a disaster. Becky, Alex, and Sabrina aren’t coming when/if you have a date with the guy. You also won’t have unlimited time to craft the perfect response. How do you think the in-person conversation will go when the dude realizes that you verbally catfished him? Not well. Trust me when I say responding with your own thoughts and in a reasonable time will eliminate panic mode for having live conversations.
  3. You lose track of who you are. If you have different response styles for each guy you talk to, stuff is going to get mixed up real quick. Next thing you know, you’re scratching your head trying to figure out if it’s Adam or George that you use two exclamation points with. Turns out, it was Adam and now George thinks it’s weird that you’ve become a super enthusiastic human.
  4. Consulting takes forever. You want to respond immediately. You can’t because your best friend hasn’t given you the green light on what you’ve written out. Two hours go by and the conversation is dead. Good job.
  5. You’re sabotaging your own love life. You’re an awesome chick who is funny af with a great personality. Why on earth are you letting other people overshadow that? Most people, especially women, are so afraid of being themselves. Everyone sticks with the ‘safe’ route of communication; don’t overshare, be invested, or overeager. Ignore that. Be extra in every sense of the word. Go all in.
  6. Co-authors aren’t permanent. My best friend in college was my go-to for screening and collaborating on text messages. Then one day she wasn’t in my life anymore. When you lose your sounding board(s) you need to know how to navigate the playing field solo. Do yourself a favor and get rid of safety nets for insignificant situations. You’re only crippling yourself.
  7. You’re pissing off your friends. Newsflash: If you’re constantly asking for advice on 90% of your texts, your friends hate you a little. Especially when after you ask for their advice, you don’t take it (guilty, sorry guys). You know what you want to say and will likely stick with your version… why bother asking for an opinion? Make your own judgment calls. This is your conversation, not theirs.
  8. Oh, and your friends are wrong. Three points: A) Your friends are not you. B) They don’t know this boy. C) They’re not in the thick of the conversation. How they’d respond vs how you’d respond are two different beasts. Now, if the guy is sending unsolicited dick pics and you don’t know how to shut it down, listening to Hannah when she says to block him might be the best course of action.
  9. You’ll make better connections. It’s easy to talk to someone and get to know them on a surface level. But if you’re in the business of searching for a relationship, how the hell can you expect to foster a genuine connection if it’s not really you doing the talking? Think of it this way: you have a Swarovski ring and a diamond ring. Both look great, but the Swarovski will crumble under pressure — the diamond won’t. Fake vs real. You get it.
  10. Guys aren’t doing it, so why should you? Don’t be so shocked that guys aren’t collaborating to answer you. I asked a male human his thoughts on co-authored texts and he had no clue what I was talking about. His answer was this: Guys definitely over analyze some texts from time-to-time but never ask for collaboration. Then our conversation got odd because I’m pretty sure he thought I was mad for suggesting that co-authored texts are a thing. Anyway. So why are women acting differently? Men are unapologetically themselves and women should be as well. Besides, it’s really no one else’s business what you’re talking about with someone else.
  11. Finding the right person becomes easier. You’d be surprised at how much easier and quicker it is to determine if someone is the right fit for you. You’ll spend less time scanning vague conversations looking for similarities. Trust.
Lost my mind & left the corporate world to roll around the contiguous US doing 3 things: 1) Help eCommerce brands grow through on-site marketing. 2) Seek life-changing vegan dishes. 3) Attempt to get a grip on this disaster called 'my early twenties'.