I Don’t Need You To Fix My Problems, I Just Want You To Listen

I know you have the best intentions and all, but when I’m trying to talk about my problems, just shut up and listen. I know men are wired to just fix everything, but I’m not broken and I don’t need to be “fixed.” I just need an ear and maybe a shoulder to cry on if it’s a really bad day. Trust me, I’ll be much happier without your expert solutions.

  1. You’re not Dr. Phil. I don’t know if you’ve looked in the mirror recently, but you’re not Dr. Phil. You don’t have a nice talk show with a huge paycheck or a degree in some kind of quack psychology. I just want you to listen to what I have to say. You don’t need to give me a lecture into what you know will and won’t work.
  2. You haven’t even heard the whole problem yet. How do you know how to fix my problem when you haven’t even let me finish yet? I know you probably have other things you want to do, but so did I when you were going off about your boss the other day. I might just ask for your thoughts, but please just shut and up listen until I’m finished.
  3. Your “fixes” kinda suck, to be honest. Those quick fixes you keep coming up with might sound intelligent in your head, but in the real world, they’re stupid. Telling me to “just get over it” or “ignore it and it’ll go away” don’t work at all. Maybe if you came up with some real solutions, it’d be much more helpful. Until then, please just hear me out… silently.
  4. I just need to vent. I just need to vent sometimes. This means I want you to listen. There’s nothing to fix. I had a bad day and need to get it all off my chest. What do I need from you? Listen and maybe throw in a neck rub to get rid of some of the tension. That’ll get you brownie points, not trying to magically fix me so I won’t vent again.
  5. Don’t you think I’ve already thought of that? By the time I’m coming to you, I’ve already thought of a hundred different fixes to my problem. Unless you’re Harry Potter and can use your wand to make my problems disappear, I’ve probably already thought of what you’re going to say.
  6. If I want your advice, I’ll ask. It’s not that I don’t want your opinion, but I want you to listen right now. When I’m finished, I’ll ask for your advice if I need it. If I don’t, I’ll change the subject or ask about your day. It’s really that simple.
  7. Interrupting just means you want me to shut up. You might think you’re being smooth. You interrupt while I’m talking just so you can fix the issue. I’m not an idiot. I know what you’re doing. You just want to shut me up so you can do something else. Instead of fixing the problem, you’ve just created a new one — I’m pissed at you. I’ll be happy to listen to you when I’m finished speaking.
  8. Sometimes there isn’t a quick fix at all. I hate to burst your Mr. Fix It bubble, but sometimes there aren’t any quick fixes. Maybe I do just have the worst boss ever who isn’t going to promote me no matter how hard I work. Until I find a new job, I’m kind of stuck. Until I find the right solution, I need you to be supportive and listen to my frustrations.
  9. You’re not an expert on my life. I know we’ve been together a while now, but that doesn’t make you an expert on my life. Odds are, you don’t even fully understand why this problem is making me into a crazy lady. Trust me, there is an underlying reason why I can’t just fix the issue right this second. That’s also why all those solutions of yours are just annoying the crap out of me.
  10. I’ll work through it, but I need to talk it out. Most of the time, I want you to listen just so I can work through the problem. Talking to you helps me get my own thoughts together. Until then, it’s this huge jumbled mess in my mind. Seeing you paying full attention to me helps me relax enough to calm down and figure things out on my own. So please, just listen to me, please. If I want you to fix something, I’ll let you know.
Crystal Crowder is a freelance writer and blogger. She's a tech geek at heart, but loves telling it like it is when it comes to love, beauty and style. She's enjoys writing music, poetry and fiction and curling up with a great book. You can find her on Twitter @ccrowderwrites or check out her other writing on Medium.