Don’t Put Him First If He Always Puts You Last

We’ve all been there—you’re into someone, and he’s into himself just as much. But how is he treating you? If he keeps acting like your feelings, needs and priorities are the last things on his mind, it’s time to stop enabling him.

  1. If he doesn’t make himself available, he either doesn’t care or he’s selfish. There’s no point chasing after a guy who won’t give you the time of day. Here’s the deal—when a guy actually cares about you, he’ll factor you into his plans. If this guy’s not doing this, then he obviously has more important things to worry about. Is he just not that into you or is he the sort of person who only cares about himself? Who cares. Either way, it’s not good news.
  2. If you let him get away with it, he’ll keep acting this way. The way you react to how people treat you shows them what you find acceptable. If this guy is treating you like your needs and feelings don’t matter and you keep coming back for more, he’ll keep doing it forever. It’s time to stop.
  3. Don’t make time for him. Are you keeping your schedule clear so that you are available in case he wants to hang out? Don’t. If he wants to claim part of your precious social time for himself, he can make the effort and plan ahead. Playing games is stupid and there’s nothing lamer than turning down a last-minute date so you can sit alone at home pretending to be busy. So instead of pretending to be busy, stop factoring this guy into your plans and make sure you really are out and having fun as much as possible. If he tries for a last minute date, say you’re busy and see if he wants to make plans in advance this time.
  4. Definitely don’t change plans you already have for him. The worst thing you can possibly do is bail on other people at a moment’s notice because his highness happens to be free. Never flake out on BFFs, family or even work contacts for someone who always puts himself first. If you’re really into this guy, it’s going to be tempting to drop everything and run to him whenever he calls, but you need to be able to stand your ground if you want him to ever respect your time.
  5. Don’t make it exclusive. If your relationship with this guy involves many instances of you sitting alone at home feeling lonely and frustrated, it’s obviously not time to settle just yet. Go on more dates and let this guy know you’re keeping your options open. Yeah, you might lose him, but you might also find someone who actually respects you along the way. And if this guy wants things to be exclusive, he can sort out his act.
  6. Don’t get your hopes up. If you’re not his first priority now, you may never be his first priority. Yes, sometimes guys are just used to women doing what they want, so they behave in a certain way until faced with the choice of changing their act or losing someone they want. But more often than not, the guy won’t change for you. Always be prepared to let him go if he doesn’t shape up.
  7. If you’re the only one initiating contact, stop. Relationships are either reciprocal or pointless. If you feel like you’re always chasing this guy, you have to ask yourself whether he’s really worth it. Would he bother contacting you if you stopped making things easy for him? Let’s find out!
  8. Don’t count on him to be there. Dating a flake sucks, but if you’re intent on sticking around, make sure you at least protect yourself by always expecting the worst. This way, you can be pleasantly surprised if he turns up on time, calls you back when he’s supposed to and otherwise acts like a normal, caring person for a change. If you keep making plans that rely on him to do the right thing, you’re likely to get very disappointed very fast.
  9. Look after your own interests. Put yourself first. Someone has to, after all. Don’t wait around for his input before you make important decisions. If you want to do something, plan as you would if he didn’t exist. Make him have to fit into your plans even if it means you might end up not seeing him. When you’re dating someone who puts himself first, that’s always a risk anyway, so you may as well plan accordingly.
  10. Invest your time and energy in people who actually care. Love can be a bitch, but never forget the people who actually value you. You want to surround yourself with people who treat you right, whether they’re friends, dates, sexual partner or whatever. The more you surround yourself with people who are nice to you, the less time you’ll have to spend with people who aren’t. There’s also much to be said for upping your standard to the point where you automatically lose interest in people who treat you as if you don’t really matter.
Writer, artist, intrepid traveler and lover of cats, cheese and techno music. Preferably not all at the same time.