Don’t Resent The Guy Who Hurt You, Be Grateful He Didn’t Stick Around

One of the hardest lessons to learn in love is that sometimes, no matter how much you loved a guy, it really wasn’t meant to be. It takes a while to get over the heartbreak and reach this stage of acceptance and clarity, but once you get there, you’re unstoppable. Here’s why you should be grateful that the guy who hurt you didn’t stick around:

  1. You can find the right guy now. You’re free and clear to meet the love of your life… or just someone that you can laugh and go on a second date with. Either one is totally fine. Sure, it sucks that things didn’t work out with that last guy, but now you have the time and space to be open to something even better — and there IS something better out there, as hard as that might be to believe.
  2. You can find yourself. More importantly, you can figure out who you truly are, and that’s a gift that you probably don’t appreciate enough. You may not date these guys forever, but you will absolutely be stuck with yourself forever, so you might as well become someone that you like. The best thing you can do right now is focus on yourself because that’s when you meet the right person.
  3. You’re still young. You don’t have to meet your future soulmate or husband today (or tomorrow or next month). You’re still young and that means that your story is totally unwritten. You have so much to do, experience and go through. Don’t throw that excitement and wonder away. Enjoy every single day — you don’t want to look back later and regret.
  4. You’ve been saved so many tears. Okay, so maybe you cried a bit over this loser, but you’ve been saved a whole lot more sob sessions if things had been dragged on even further. Be grateful for that and focus on being happy instead of wondering what went wrong.
  5. You’ve learned another lesson. Think of guys like college courses. You get As in some and come close to failing others, but you still get your degree in the end, right? Some guys will confuse the hell out of you and make you wonder why you’re even dating in the first place, but it’s worth sorting through those to wait for the one that really gets you.
  6. You had a feeling. You can swear that the breakup (or almost breakup) came out of left field, but chances are, you knew exactly what was going on. Remember that you knew things weren’t 100% great and that this would happen eventually. Realizing that there were cracks and issues can make you feel much better.
  7. You deserve more. When things end, it can be helpful to think about what you wanted to happen and what you wanted to get out of the relationship. You will soon realize that you deserve a whole lot more than this guy was willing to give you. Maybe you want a real partner who spends more time with you, someone who’s adventurous, or someone who doesn’t freak out at the first sign of commitment. Isn’t it awesome that now you’re free to find a guy like that?
  8. Your friends aren’t surprised. The truth is that you may totally ignore relationship problems, but your friends see everything. Know that your BFFs aren’t shocked about this ending one bit, and they’re probably pretty happy that things are over because they know that you need and want better.
  9. You want to win. Sometimes in life and love, you have to be the bigger person, and that means acting like a winner, not a loser. So go ahead and enjoy yourself and move on the best that you can. That’s only going to help you in the end.
  10. You have to let it go. Any resentment you feel, any belief you have that things could have worked out differently — you have to let that all go. You can’t move on until you stop being so angry. Sure, you deserve to feel your feelings, but dwelling on the past and how crappy something was isn’t going to help you get to a better place.
  11. You’re older and wiser. With each experience and each guy you date, you become a little older and a little bit wiser. Eventually, you’ll have figured out so much that your ideal guy will be crystal clear and you’ll instantly know when you meet the right one. If you’re not there just yet, that’s totally cool because when you get there, it will be amazing.
Aya Tsintziras is a freelance lifestyle writer and editor from Toronto, Canada. In addition to writing about dating and relationships for Bolde, she also writes about movies, TV, and video games for ScreenRant and GameRant. She has a Political Science degree from the University of Toronto and a Masters of Journalism from Ryerson University. You can find her on Twitter @ayatsintziras and on Instagram @aya.tsintziras.