Guys, Don’t Say You Want A Girlfriend Then Put In Zero Effort

An unfortunate reality of love is that sometimes the guy we’re into feels the same way… but he’s too lazy to do much about it. Sure, we might fall into an almost relationship and we’ll feel hopeful that things will become official soon, but that never happens. To all the guys out there, please stop saying you want a girlfriend then putting in zero effort. Here’s why it’s so uncool:

  1. You’re not being cute. You may think it’s adorable to be super casual about everything, but being vague about your feelings makes you lame and immature, not awesome. No one is going to be into that. If you’re not really sure what you want but you’d like to see where things go, tell us that up front. We’ll let you know if we’re cool with that or if we need something more.
  2. Relationships take work. And that’s actually totally okay. Like anything else in life, relationships don’t just appear out of thin air. You have to try and put the work in, but love is definitely worth it in the end. If you’re not willing to try, though, you’ll be single forever. That’s not to say it’s going to be hard every single day, just that you have to be willing to put in more than the bare minimum if you ever want to build something real.
  3. You’re the problem. Guys like you tend to say that you just want to fall in love but we make it way too difficult. You claim we expect too much, we’re materialistic, we want you to change. We don’t actually want any of those things. If you think along these lines, then sorry, but you’re the problem here. All we want is for guys who tell us that they want love to act like it. We don’t think that’s too much to ask.
  4. You can’t have things your way. Want to text us 24/7 one day… then ignore us for a week? It doesn’t work that way. You can’t pick and choose when you want to talk to us and hang out with us. Until you can adjust your routine, you’ll never have a real girlfriend. Love takes compromise and it definitely takes consistency. Obviously we don’t need to be with you or talking to you nonstop (we probably don’t want that either — we have our own lives!), but if we’re supposed to be together — or we’re even remotely interested in being together — then we need to meet each other halfway.
  5. You won’t win in the end. You may think that playing hard to get will win us over in the end because you’re so charming and charismatic, but you’re the ones who are going to lose. You have to be willing to change your lifestyle in order to really love someone else. It’s just the way that it goes. If you want to act like you’re still single, then guess what? You’re still going to be single. It really is that simple.
  6. You’re going to miss out. You’re going to lose your chance to be with us if you refuse to try or put any effort in at all. We’ve been through this before and we can’t do it again. The sad part is that you don’t even know what you’re missing because you think that being the cool guy is so much more important than a real relationship.
  7. We know that you’re really just afraid. We can see through your fears and worry and we’re not buying it because it’s really not a legit excuse. The truth is that we’re all afraid of putting our hearts on the line and trying to love someone new because there’s always the chance that it’ll end in disaster. Guess what — we still try because we believe it’s worth it. If you don’t get that, then you don’t get us, and we can’t help you.
  8. You’re in the wrong. Sure, you claim that you want to be part of a relationship, but since you don’t see the value of actually putting in some time and effort, that means you’re totally and completely in the wrong here. You don’t understand that love is a two-way street and that you can’t reap the rewards of having a girlfriend without acting like a boyfriend.
  9. You need to act your age. You were supposed to grow up a really long time ago, and unfortunately, it doesn’t seem like that ever happened. We’ve had our fun with the casual stuff and we’re looking to build something real that could possibly last forever. We’re not kids anymore, so please don’t act like you are.
  10. We can’t do the work for you. No one can make you change — you have to want to do that on your own. You might not want to since maybe your attitude has worked so far, but don’t be fooled: it won’t work with everyone. We’re smarter than you probably think, and we know how to spot the losers and separate them from real potential boyfriends. Until you live up to that potential, you won’t get anything from us.
Aya Tsintziras is a freelance lifestyle writer and editor from Toronto, Canada. In addition to writing about dating and relationships for Bolde, she also writes about movies, TV, and video games for ScreenRant and GameRant. She has a Political Science degree from the University of Toronto and a Masters of Journalism from Ryerson University. You can find her on Twitter @ayatsintziras and on Instagram @aya.tsintziras.