Please Don’t Take Your Baggage Out On Me — I Didn’t Do Anything

One of my biggest pet peeves in relationships is misplaced emotion. Whether it’s anger, frustration, or sadness, if it doesn’t have to do with me, please don’t take it out on me! I know it’s tough, but I take extreme care not to do it to other people because it sucks. Here’s why you need to deal with your own baggage:

  1. I’m not your ex. I’m sorry that you’ve been hurt in the past, but I’m not her. I know that it’s tough to deal with and overcome old pain. We’ve all been there. Still, I can’t do anything about any of that, and it’s not fair to take it out on me. Don’t assume I’m going to be like other girls you’ve dated. I’m uniquely me, and while we may have issues, they don’t mean I’m a carbon copy of your exes.
  2. I’m not your mom, your dad, or whoever else screwed you up. Hey, I’ve got a long list too. I know I have mommy issues, among other things. I have sympathy for all of that and we can talk it out anytime. I’m here for you. At the same time, I refuse to be your punching bag. If you want to discuss your past with me, fine, but don’t blame me for it. I deserve better and you know it.
  3. We all have baggage, but that doesn’t mean we use it against each other. I promise to do my best not to take out all my own pain on you. I recognize that it has nothing to do with you and that it’s unjust to put it on you. I don’t want to make you feel bad. I’ll slip up — none of us are perfect — but I also know that I will recognize and correct my errors. Please do the same in return.
  4. There’s no way to build on that sort of foundation. If you aren’t ready for a healthy relationship, don’t try to be with me. I’ve done a lot of hard work in order to get to where I am today. I’m still learning, but I’ve come a long way. I want to have a solid partnership with an emotionally stable guy. If you aren’t there, then I can’t be with you. It’s not personal, but I need someone who’s of a similar mind and wants to grow.
  5. I don’t fight dirty — cut it out or I’m walking away. I’m a grown woman and there’s no time in my life for childish antics. I’ve been there, done that, and I’m over it. I’ll engage you in respectful and thoughtful conversation about any conflicts or disagreements we may have. I won’t deal in any dialogue that makes me feel pressured, shamed, or hurt. You should know better, and if you care about me, you won’t treat me that way.
  6. I’ve done nothing to earn your jealousy or distrust, so don’t put it on me. I’m just over here trying to be a good girlfriend and partner to you. I don’t lie and I don’t cheat, so if you don’t trust me anyway, I don’t know what to tell you. I’m sorry that stuff has happened to you in the past, but once again, I’m not your ex. I can only be me and do the best I can, so please don’t make me guilty until proven innocent.
  7. Relationships are tough enough without adding extra pressure needlessly. It’s not easy being with someone, but it’s definitely easy to make it even tougher. There’s no point in putting more stress and drama into something that’s already inherently full of both. The skill is in making it as easy as possible for each other through careful attention to how we affect each other. We could make this something really great, but you have to keep your baggage separate.
  8. I refuse to be treated with disrespect. I’ve lived too long and gone through too much to allow a man to treat me poorly. I’ve made my mistakes already. I’ll make different ones in the future, but letting a guy walk all over me won’t be one of them. Don’t take out your internal issues on me because I won’t accept them. I’ll just move on and free myself of not only your baggage but the baggage of being with someone who doesn’t know how to treat me.
  9. I’m your girlfriend, not your therapist. Like I said, I’m perfectly fine with talking about your issues. I want to know you and I want to accept you, as long as you’re good to me too. There’s a difference between sharing the reasons behind your behavior and simply dumping your crap all over me. If you don’t understand that, we won’t get far.If you need a therapist, I suggest you go get one. I’m a great listener but I can’t take out your emotional trash for you.
  10. I understand if you’re struggling, but don’t use it against me. We all have tough times. If I’m with you, I expect to support you through yours and I expect the same in return. I will be there for you however you need me, as long as you don’t try to hurt or abuse me because you’re feeling low. That’s the quickest way to lose me forever.
  11. I have no time for drama and emotionally immature antics. I’m ready for a stable, loving relationship. That doesn’t mean I don’t want fun and adventure, because I definitely do! It means that I don’t want any needless unpredictability between the two of us. I want to know that when I see you, you’ll be a certain way. I won’t date any more guys who make me feel insecure or on edge. If you can’t seem to survive without drama, I’m not the girl for you.
A former actress who has always loved the art of the written word, Amy is excited to be here sharing her stories! She just completed her first novel, and is also a contributor for Elite Daily, Dirty & Thirty, and Thought Catalog. Amy is the founder of What If Journey and can be found on Twitter @amyhorton18. You can also visit her website at