We Don’t Have To Have “The Talk” — If I’m Dating You, I’m Not Dating Other People

It seems like these days, dating and relationships are mutually exclusive. You can go out a dozen times, but until you actually have the exclusivity talk, you can’t assume you’re only seeing each other. WTF? That’s not the way it works in my life. If you’re dating me, there’s no need for “The Talk” — you’re the only one I’m seeing. Why isn’t this the norm?

  1. I’m a relationship girl. That means I’m not interested in being your hookup buddy or even just a girl you see occasionally. I’m looking for a relationship and nothing less. We don’t have to have some big talk to define the terms of our relationship because if I’m dating you, that’s exactly where we’re headed (at least in my mind). I make my intentions clear from day one — if you’re not interested in a relationship then I’m no longer interested in you.
  2. I’m a one man kind of woman. I’m participating in the dating game, but I only play one on one. The world is going to get in the way of love enough without throwing additional factors (or people) into the mix. My life isn’t a real life version of ‘The Bachelor’. I date one person at a time and if things don’t work out, then and only then do I move on to the next.
  3. I don’t mess around. Sex isn’t something I take lightly. I don’t have a long list of past lovers; I have past relationships. I’m not interested in sex without love and that’s why I don’t sleep around. I know that modern dating is all about hookup culture, but that doesn’t mean I have to be. If I’m sleeping with you, you can rest assure that I’m sleeping with only you because I don’t mess around.
  4. For me, dating isn’t casual. I’m looking for something serious, so if you can’t handle that, then move along. I’m not going to waste time with a guy when we have no future. This isn’t high school and I’m too old for that crap. I don’t have time to play casual. I’m all for taking things slow, but only if this relationship is actually going somewhere.
  5. I only stick around if there’s a spark. If I don’t have feelings for you, I won’t waste my time or yours. I’m a girl who knows pretty quickly whether or not she’s interested. If we have something then I’m going to focus on you while we explore those feelings, don’t we both deserve at least that much?
  6. If I wanted to be with someone else, I would be. I’m not the girl who’s so desperate for a man’s attention that she settles for a guy who is just “good enough.” You’re either the whole package or I’m moving on. If I want to be with you then I want to be with only you. I don’t need to settle. I have options, I’m just choosing you. If I wanted to be with someone else, I would be — and if you weren’t enough for me, I wouldn’t settle.
  7. Dating is exclusive for me. Regardless of our official relationship status, the dating stage is still exclusive in my life. If I’m with you, it’s because I think you’re worthy of my undivided attention. If you prove me wrong, then I’ll reconsider our relationship — until then, we’re exclusive… at least as far as I’m concerned.
  8. I don’t need to keep my options open. If I want to open another door, then I’ll be sure to close the door on us first. I know some people like to date multiple people at once and just see where things go, but that’s not me. I’m a woman on a one-way track. I know what I want and I go after exactly that. I reserve the right to change my mind, but until (or unless) I do, it’s just going to be you and me.
  9. I’m looking for forever. I’m not interested in something that’s only for right now. I’m either all in or I’m out. I’m not looking for someone to just bide the time with. I want a real relationship with actual potential. I’m not dating multiple people because I only want one guy that I can share forever with. I don’t need anything more than that.
  10. I don’t play the field. Dating more than one person at a time just sounds like work to me. Dating is stressful enough without adding even more people into the mix. I’m only interested in having one player on my roster at a time. I don’t need backups or alternates. If you’re with me then you get to be the MVP — as long as you don’t let that go to your head.
Kelsey Dykstra is a freelance writer based in Huntington Beach, CA. She has a bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing from Grand Valley State University and been writing professionally since graduating in 2013. In addition to writing about love and relationships for Bolde and lifestyle topics for Love to Know, she also writes about payment security and small business solutions for PaymentCloud.

Originally from Michigan, this warm weather seeker relocated to the OC just last summer. Kelsey enjoys writing her own fictional pieces, reading a variety of young adult novels, binging on Netflix, and of course soaking up the sun.

You can find more about Kelsey on her LinkedIn profile or on Twitter @dykstrakelsey.