Don’t Tell Me You’re Into Me & Then Not Act Like It

No matter how great everything seems to be with our relationship, sometimes I just get that gut feeling that there’s something not working. We’ve been dating for months, but for some reason, I still wonder if you’re actually as into me as you say you are. Why do I still feel so uncertain about us?

  1. Your actions don’t match your words. When I finally get you to open up and share your feelings, you say all the right things, but your actions tell me different. It’s one thing to reassure me that you like me and to tell me you care about me, but your body language tells a whole different story. You’re so distracted that you can’t even keep eye contact when we’re talking. Please just stop lying.
  2. You only open up when I prompt you to. You’ll only open up to me when I pry or say something so obvious about how I feel about you. This makes me feel like you’re only saying these things because you feel like you have to, not because you actually mean them. If you’re so into me, I shouldn’t have to weasel it out of you. Just tell me. If you don’t, I’ll assume otherwise.
  3. I’m starting to feel like just someone to keep you busyNo one wants to be lonely —only about 99 percent of pop songs tell us that — but if you’re just using me to keep you occupied until the next one comes along, just break it off. It’s a seriously immature move. I’m not an iPad and I’m not just here for entertainment.
  4. You never tell me you’re happy to be with me. Any guy who’s crushing on me should have the confidence to tell me. With you, it feels like I’m forcing you to spend time with me. If you don’t want to be here and if I can’t make you happy, I’d prefer it if you would just go. I know a good guy will tell me how lucky he is to have me — and frankly, that’s just not you.
  5. You don’t even try to make excuses anymore when I call you out on your stuff. Even when I attempt to call you out just to push your buttons, you actually fall for it and don’t even bother coming up with a lame excuse. You know you’re not being a decent guy. Why are you trying to pretend otherwise?
  6. It doesn’t bother you if I’m around other guys. Sure, I want the freedom to talk to all of my guy friends and live my life without out of control jealousy, but when I tell you I’m grabbing dinner with my best guy friend from college, you don’t even raise an eyebrow? I know you’re not truly into me by the fact it doesn’t even phase you when another guy takes me out. It’s almost like you’re searching for someone else to take me off your hands.
  7. I make all of our plans. I don’t mind taking the lead every once in a while but when you show zero initiative, it really makes me wonder how you feel. A guy who likes me should enjoy making me happy — even if that just means ordering pizza and letting me choose our latest Netflix binge.
  8. You never mention the future. Mentioning the future with you is completely off limits, and maybe it’s because you’re hoping that your future has nothing to do with mine. I understand that talking about what’s going to happen with su down the road is a loaded topic, but if you’re truly interested in me, you won’t completely dodge the question.
  9. Your idea of reassurance is telling me I’m overreacting. If you tell me I’m overreacting over my feelings, you’re definitely a jerk. If you truly are into me, you’ll care about anything I could possibly be feeling. I know I’m not always perfect, but my feelings are always valid. If you tell me I’m being crazy, I know you’re just full of a crazy amount of crap.
  10. I feel like I have to beg for your attention. I should never feel like I have to put on a song and dance just to keep you with me. You make me feel like I’m never enough to keep you engaged. I get that I’m not the only thing in your life, but it would be nice to feel like a small part of it.
  11. I’m never a priority. The ultimate way I know you’re not actually into me is by how much you decide to make me a priority. You don’t need to worship me, but you do need to pay attention to me. If that’s not something you’re doing, I know you really couldn’t care less about what happens to me or happens to us. If I don’t make you feel like you want to see me, then I’ll be gone to find somebody who will. 
Emily Ann Gutgold—Emi, for short—is a recent graduate of Penn State University. Her social handle @MiSCONGENiEMiLY stems from her one-time stint as a pageant queen where she was unanimously voted Miss Congeniality by the other contestants. In her free time she enjoys running and eating ice cream, but not at the same time. She currently lives in New York City and works in digital media.