I Don’t Trust Easily — And Neither Should You

Having a lot of friends is great, but how many of them can I truly count on? A lot less than I thought. When I was growing up, I thought having a lot of friends meant I was important and even special and I’d never have to face tough times alone, but as I’ve gotten older, I’ve started to realize that the quality of the people in my life is way more important than the quantity. I’ve been screwed over by people I thought had my back more times than I can count. Because of that, I don’t trust easily — but you know what? I’m totally okay with that. The few people I do trust are ones who’ve really earned it.

  1. Many people simply don’t deserve my trust. You can’t depend on a lot of people to stay loyal, to have your back and to keep your secrets — I’ve learned that from experience. The intentions you have for yourself may not be the same that someone else has for you. My thoughts, feelings, heartbreaks and dreams may not mean as much to other people, even if they pretend it does. Some people know what it means to be great friends and genuinely care, while others only care about themselves.
  2. Not everyone has the same heart as I do. Kindness and sincerity don’t always cut it for the people you let in your life. Even when you put your whole heart in it and truly care about a friend, they just won’t reciprocate the same feeling. I’ve learned to ignore the negative influences in my life and only embrace the positive ones. My heart deserves more.
  3. I’ve had my heart broken too many times. After having my heart broken by both friends and boyfriends, I’ve learned to be more cautious in an attempt to protect it. Bad memories, hurtful words and betrayal have made me more careful about who I let in my life and how I get to know them. I don’t just let anyone in that easily anymore, and that’s a good thing.
  4. I’d rather have a few good friends than a lot of fake ones. A handful of good friends means more to me than all the fake “friends” in the world. I’ve evaluated the kind of people I really want in my life and realized that they’re actually pretty hard to find. I value having a close-knit circle as opposed to having too many acquaintances to keep track of.
  5. My best friends have my back. Not only do I have good friends, but I know I can always count on them. They stand up for me, protect me and give me the best advice. If someone does me wrong, they won’t necessarily get involved, but they are always there to listen and be supportive. A good friend knows how to be there for someone without getting involved in the drama. I’m so thankful to have friends like that.
  6. I have my own back. Oh yeah, and I’ve got my own back too. I’m more confident, stronger and smarter than I once was. I know better than to hand over my trust and open up to people who don’t deserve to know the real me. I’m okay with not telling others all there is to know about me because it really doesn’t concern them anyway.
  7. No one needs to know that much about me. I really just don’t need to be sharing my personal life with that many people. Some tend to judge, criticize and talk about people behind their back, so I’ve learned to be more humble and vibe with those who truly get me. I don’t care about being liked by everyone.
  8. Trust is something that’s earned. Trust isn’t something I just hand out for free — it always has to be earned. It wasn’t always this way, though. As a kid, I always wanted to trust people right off the bat. After one too many negative experiences, I started to reevaluate my approach and my willingness to open up by allowing others to show me their true colors first before giving in.
  9. It’s okay to be a little cynical. I think it’s okay to not be too trusting. Being cynical gets a bad wrap, but it just means I’m being extra careful about who I spend my time with and the kind of person I want the world to see me as. As long as it doesn’t negatively affect my life overall, I’m okay with being a tad cynical.
  10. I know I’m loved. Regardless of how many times I’m disappointed and let down by others, I know that I’m loved by many genuine people in my life. Their friendships, support and love mean more to me than anything in this world and I’m totally okay with only having a handful of those kinds of people.
Bolde has been a source of dating and relationship advice for single women around the world since 2014. We combine scientific data, experiential wisdom, and personal anecdotes to provide help and encouragement to those frustrated by the journey to find love. Follow us on Instagram @bolde_media or on Facebook @BoldeMedia