Don’t Use Me When You’re Bored—I’m Not A Time Killer

I’ve been used on more than one occasion by guys who are just bored and want to kill some time with someone—anyone—until something more interesting comes along. Not only is it seriously rude, it’s also a slap to the face because they clearly think I’m not worth more than just being a space filler. That’s BS. If a guy’s only talking to me because he’s bored, he can GTFO.

  1. I know I’m worth more than that. Maybe he’s just not into me and that’s fine. I’m not everyone’s cup of tea and I don’t pretend that it’s possible to be liked by every single guy I meet. However, I have a good enough sense of self-worth and I’m not someone he can use and throw away whenever he sees it fit. I’m a decent person with a good heart, a good head on my shoulders, and a pretty killer personality, if I do say so myself. If he’s not into that, he can be on his way.
  2. I don’t use people so I expect the same treatment. There’s no excuse for treating people like they don’t matter. Each and every person I come across on dating apps or in my day to day life matter and I know that they don’t deserve to be treated like crap just because I’m bored. If he’s not going to treat me with the same respect as I treat him and all the other people I come across then he doesn’t deserve me—or anyone else, for that matter.
  3. I don’t have time to entertain people like that. Another reason why I would never treat someone as a time filler is because I just don’t have that kind of time to fill. I work two jobs, I have a pretty active social life, and I take good care of myself—all of which require a good chunk of my days. If I do have any extra time, I’m going to spend it relaxing or binging my latest favourite show on Netflix, not running amok with someone’s emotions. If he has so much extra time to use people in that way, he just doesn’t have a full enough life, or heart, to be around me.
  4. It’s nothing but an ego boost. If a guy’s using me (and probably other women too) as some sort of ego boost so he can tell himself that he’s wanted by many then he clearly has issues that not even the best doctor can help with. No self-loving person needs so much attention that they’re willing to stoop to such low levels to get it. If that’s how a guy wants to treat me, then he’s going to lose me because I won’t be indulging in his narcissistic and selfish behavior.
  5. I’m a first choice, not an option. I don’t play against other women for a guy’s affections because I know that a guy who’s truly into me and deserves my time will choose me. I won’t have to win out over several other contenders. When a guy is only texting me because he has time to kill, that’s exactly what I’m being pulled into. I’m nothing but the next on the list because girls one and two weren’t around. He can either choose me first or GTFO.
  6. I don’t know where some guys learned how to treat people. It sure isn’t in line with how I was raised growing up and that just shows me that we just aren’t compatible. In a relationship, FWB situation, or even as friends, we just won’t get along in the long run. I treat people with respect and am upfront and honest. I don’t play games with people to get the upper hand and I refuse to deal with people that do.
  7. He’s just making himself look bad. There’s a reason why he thinks he can text me whenever he wants and that’s on me. I respond pleasantly and am genuinely happy to receive texts from guys I’m into, but that only happens before I figure out the kind of person he really is and exactly what he’s up to. After that happens, the more I hear from this user of a guy, the less interested I am in talking to him at all.
  8. Even if I did think I like him, I have more self-respect than that. It took me a long time to get to a place where I can let go of something that’s toxic for me because of the amount of self-respect and self-love I now have. It was an uphill battle for the majority of my life, and now that I’m there, I’m not going to let some loser come in and ruin it all. If he’s not acting accordingly, there’s really no point in even knowing him at all.
  9. I feel sorry for guys like this. I’m not sure what gaping void he’s trying to fill, and under different circumstances, I’m the type of person that would really love to help someone out. However, when I’m getting the brunt of the bad behavior, I’m not willing to step in and try to save him. I actually pity guys like this because for one reason or another, there’s something seriously missing in their lives and their hearts, even they can’t figure out what it is. If they could, they wouldn’t be using people at all.
Angelica Bottaro has a bachelor’s degree in Psychology from Trent University and an Advanced Diploma in Journalism from Centennial College. She began her career as a freelance writer in 2014, racking up bylines in The Good Men Project, MakeWell, LymeTime, YouQueen, and more. She eventually shifted her focus and began writing about mental health, nutrition, and chronic disease for VeryWell Health.

You can follow her on Facebook or check out her website at She also posts on Instagram @a.ct._b and Twitter @angiiebee.