Don’t Use Me For Sex And Then Act Like You Need Me—It’s Super Confusing

I can’t even tell you how annoying it is when a guy claims to just want something casual with me and then turns into a real-life Romeo. It’s the ultimate in mixed signals and I can’t stand it. Saying he doesn’t want a relationship but then acting like he very much does is confusing AF and I’m over it.

  1. It keeps me holding onto false hopes. I can’t help but get attached to this guy when he treats me like his life partner. I mean, can you blame me? He acts like he really needs me and cares about me but at the same time wants to “keep it casual.” Actions speak louder than words, and his actions are telling me that he wants more than just a casual situation.
  2. It makes other people assume we’re together. If we’re just supposed to be fooling around, why does he do boyfriend moves in public? He’ll put his arm around me, hold the door open, tell me how much he likes me, and pay for my stuff. Everyone thinks we’re a couple, which only makes the whole situation that much more annoying.
  3. It makes me feel like I’m in a perpetual purgatory. There’s a reason why Hell is often depicted as an empty white room. I’m not yet a girlfriend but also not just a sex friend. This whole situation is making me feel trapped, like I’m just waiting for a decision to be made and I have no control over it.
  4. Even little things like holding my hand send the wrong message. I don’t think he realizes how even the tiniest acts of affection make me question what our deal is. Holding my hand should be reserved for boyfriends only, yet he’s reaching for my hand every chance he gets! What does he really want from this situation? He seemed so adamant on just being hookup buddies but he’s acting like a sap in love. WTF is going on?!
  5. If he isn’t sure what he wants from me, he should just say it. Honestly, I don’t even need a real decision from him on what he wants. He can just say, “Hey, I’m not sure what I want right now so let’s just play it by ear” and I’d be fine with that. But no, he insisted on just “keeping it casual,” which I was okay with at first. Now that he’s sending mixed signals, I’m really starting to regret that decision.
  6. It’s going to make me resent him. For now, I’m mildly excited that he might change his mind and want to pursue something more serious, but after awhile I’m going to want him to tell me how he feels for real and if he can’t do that, I’m going to start quietly resenting him.
  7. It’s like he has no self-control. Who would want to be with a guy who doesn’t stick to his word? He says one thing and does another and that’s so unattractive. It’s like he can’t help but fall in love with me and I mean, I get it—I’m a total catch. It’s kinda lame to be with a guy who doesn’t have a backbone, though. I don’t even know if I would want to pursue a relationship with a guy who’s that wishy-washy anyway.
  8. It’s ultimately a waste of my time. He said that all he wanted was casual and that was fine by me, but now that he’s getting all lovey-dovey, I don’t know whether to invest more time into him or keep seeing other people. I like him but I don’t appreciate him disrespecting my time like this.
  9. He wants to have his cake and eat it too. This guy wants girlfriend privileges AND an easy lay and right now I’m giving both of those to him. He just wants to have that love connection while also keeping his freedom and having the ability to date other women if he so chooses. I hope he can see how unfair this is to me.
  10. It keeps me from dating other people. Love can blind you and I can already feel myself catching feelings for this guy. I’m starting to get comfortable with the “relationship,” often forgetting that it really is all about casual sex. I know I’ll eventually stop looking for dates and even turn guys down because I’ve got a pseudo-boyfriend at home. I have to constantly remind myself that he’s not my boyfriend… even though he acts like it.
  11. I’m afraid that I’ll hurt his feelings if I date someone else. I can’t believe I feel this way but I can’t help it. He’s giving me serious love vibes, so I naturally feel bad about going out with other people. We NEVER talk about it when we’re together and I feel like if I brought it up, he would get upset. This sounds a lot like a real relationship, doesn’t it? Well… according to him, it’s just “casual.” Ugh.
Jennifer is a playwright, dancer, and theatre nerd living in the big city of Toronto, Canada. She studied Creative Writing at Concordia University and works as a lifestyle writer who focuses on Health, B2B, Tech, Psychology, Science, Food Trends and Millennial Life. She's also a coreographer, playwright, and lyricist, with choreography credits for McMaster University’s “Spring Awakening,” “Roxanne” for the Guelph Contemporary Dance Festival, and “The Beaver Den” for The LOT, among others.

You can see more of her work on her Contently page and follow her on Instagram @jenniferenchin.