I Don’t Want A Boyfriend But I Want The Benefits Of Having One

I’ll admit it—I want to have my cake and eat it too. I want all the benefits of a boyfriend without all the stress and commitment that comes along with it. There’s simply stuff missing from my single life that I can’t dismiss no matter how I try.

  1. I need cuddles. I miss physical touch and affection. It’s crazy—you don’t realize how much you touch a partner until you don’t have one anymore. I miss the simplicity of holding hands, spooning, snuggling, and innocent affectionate gestures.
  2. I need sex. I’m not good at casual sex, so I’m just not having any. I’ve never been one who could figure out how to have an FWB and make it work. That’s just not me. I need someone I trust who’s also bomb in bed and loves having sex with me.
  3. I need massages. Seriously though—I have knots everywhere! I love giving and receiving massages and the best part is that I don’t have to pay for it that way. Massages get real expensive real fast. It’s fun trading them with a partner instead.
  4. I need affection. It’s the little gestures I miss the most—an arm around my waist, kisses on the forehead and cheek, a guy who brushes my hair back away from my face so he can see my smile better. I love these sweet tokens of affection but I don’t want to be in a relationship.
  5. I need space. The problem is that I want all that stuff but I also want to keep my independence. I want a guy who’s cool with chilling and then going away when I want to be alone. I know that’s a lot to ask of someone so I don’t even try.
  6. I need autonomy. I can’t stand it when a guy tries to trap me into a couple mentality where we have to do everything together. I’m never going to be that girl. I love having a guy but I also love being on my own. It’s a tricky balance.
  7. I need free time. My free time will never automatically go to a man. I have too much to do, too many friends, and too many goals for my life. I can’t be tied down to too much demanding commitment or I’ll end up running.
  8. I need to live alone. I’ve lived alone for years and now I’m spoiled. I’ve never lived with a guy and I don’t intend to unless I know he’s really the right one. I want a guy who wants to spend time with me and have fun but not encroach on my space.
  9. I need flexibility. I have a very non-traditional life. I’m always on adventures, I have a million jobs, and my schedule is all over the place. If I’m going to spend time with a dude, he needs to understand that I’m not going to settle down, ever.
  10. I need compromise. It’s tough to define the line between something fun and casual and something committed. It’s also hard to ask a lot of guy when I’m not interested in settling into a traditional (read: boring) partnership. A lot of conversation and compromise is required.
  11. I need reliability. The weird thing is, despite my desire for freedom, I also want any guy I’m seeing to be trustworthy and dependable. I can’t deal with games, lying, or flippancy. I want a guy who digs me enough to be honest with me about where we stand.
  12. I need communication. I have to have complete transparency with anyone I’m seeing—especially if we’re sleeping together. I’ll always be forthcoming and honest and I expect that of a guy I’m dating, regardless of whether it’s serious or not.
  13. I need honesty. I’m going to be honest with any dude I’m seeing. I’ll tell him exactly where we stand and what I’m doing with other people. I don’t care if he’s not my boyfriend—this is how any human being deserves to be treated. I want that same respect in return.
  14. I need trust. We might not be in a relationship, but there will always be some feelings involved when it comes to dating someone. It’s just common human decency to create an environment of trust and responsibility between two people who are seeing each other.
  15. I need fun. If I’m spending time with a guy, it has to be a light-hearted good time. I want to be around people who make me laugh. Life is too short to do otherwise. I want to go engage in unique adventures and activities. I’m not one to waste time sitting around.
  16. I need adventures. I’m all about seeing things I’ve never seen and doing things I’ve never done. There’s a great big world out there and I’m going to explore it! If I’m spending time with a guy, seriously or not, I want him to be down to go do all this stuff with me. We’re casual but we don’t have to stick to just banging.
  17. I need options. I get claustrophobic when a man makes too many demands on me and my time. I’m frankly afraid to get too serious because I always get hurt. I need someone who respects my space and enjoys spending time with me on a semi-regular basis. It’s tough to find that and make it work.
A former actress who has always loved the art of the written word, Amy is excited to be here sharing her stories! She just completed her first novel, and is also a contributor for Elite Daily, Dirty & Thirty, and Thought Catalog. Amy is the founder of What If Journey and can be found on Twitter @amyhorton18. You can also visit her website at amyhorton.net.