If You Don’t Want To Define Our Relationship, I’m Out

When I’m dating a guy I really like and have a real connection with, I want to lock him down ASAP. Obviously I don’t want to rush things and I don’t expect things to get serious overnight, but if we’ve been together for a few months and you still want to keep it casual, you’d better believe I’m going to move on to something better.

  1. You shouldn’t be embarrassed to call me your girlfriend. The fact that you haven’t piped up and suggested that we become officially exclusive makes me think that you don’t even want to be seen with me. You might think the girlfriend/boyfriend titles are kind of lame, but isn’t our love more important than being cool?
  2. I can’t keep pretending I’m okay with being casual. To be honest, I was never okay with it. I knew I wanted to be serious with you within the first month of dating — and I don’t consider that to be moving too fast. It’s honestly killing me that you want to “keep it casual” after being together for as long as we have been.
  3. I don’t know what to say to people when they ask me if I have a boyfriend. If a guy (or anyone really) asks me whether or not I have a boyfriend, what do I say? What would you like me to say? Do you even care? I don’t know and that’s why I’m stressing over this in the first place. It should be natural.
  4. I can’t help but think you’re just keeping your options open. I know that you feel the same way about me as I do you, but the fact that you’re unwilling to set our relationship in stone makes me wonder if you’re only in this for some temporary fun. You don’t act like it, but I can’t know for sure.
  5. I need the security that defining our relationship brings. I’m seriously anxious AF about our arrangement right now but all it will take is for you to call me your girlfriend and then I’ll finally be able to breathe. Unlike most people our age, I need confirmation of our exclusivity to feel secure within myself and I’m not sorry about that.
  6. I’m a catch and I know it. If you don’t want me in a “boyfriend-girlfriend” way — there are tons of other guys out there who would gladly be with me. So, just to be clear — I don’t want to be exclusive because I can’t get anyone else, I want to be exclusive because you’re awesome and I love you.
  7. I’m not asking to get married. This isn’t a forever thing — it’s a “however long it lasts” thing. I’m not trying to tie down a man, so don’t think that I’m tricking you into marrying me. I just want to feel secure right now and for however much longer this relationship lasts.
  8. Yeah, it’s cheesy — but I like cheesy. It might make us want to throw up, but putting a label on our relationship is not only good for practical reasons — it’s the ultimate act of love. So if you love me, you’ll do it even if it makes you cringe inside.
  9. I don’t know about you, but I actually WANT everyone to know we’re exclusive. One of the best perks of defining the relationship is that everyone else gets to treat us as a legit couple, instead of acting all awkward around us. Not only are we doing it for our own comfort, but for the comfort of our friends, as well.
  10. I know everyone else in our generation refuses to define their relationship, but it doesn’t mean we should too. Millenials are notorious for moving like turtles in relationships. Part of it is because we DGAF and the other part is that dating has become almost too easy. With just a swipe and a tap, we’ve got a date for tonight — instantly. Dating isn’t that special anymore — but I know what we have together IS special which is why we need to define it, god dammit!
Jennifer is a playwright, dancer, and theatre nerd living in the big city of Toronto, Canada. She studied Creative Writing at Concordia University and works as a lifestyle writer who focuses on Health, B2B, Tech, Psychology, Science, Food Trends and Millennial Life. She's also a coreographer, playwright, and lyricist, with choreography credits for McMaster University’s “Spring Awakening,” “Roxanne” for the Guelph Contemporary Dance Festival, and “The Beaver Den” for The LOT, among others.

You can see more of her work on her Contently page and follow her on Instagram @jenniferenchin.