Money is the number one thing couples fight about and it makes perfect sense. Budgeting and managing money can be complicated and stressful enough without worrying about coordinating with another person’s income and spending habits. Every couple has to figure out what works for them and for me, it doesn’t matter if I make more money than the guy I’m with. There’s way more to a happy relationship than where the money is coming from.
I can take care of myself.
It’s not as if I’m looking for a guy who can provide me with a comfortable life while I sit back and relax. I’m perfectly capable of making money, paying my own bills and sticking to a budget. If it gets to the point where I’m splitting expenses with a guy I’m dating, great. But if not, I’ll still be just fine.
It matters more how he manages what he has.
It’s not so much how much money someone has that matters, it’s how smart they are with that money. I’d much rather be with a guy who makes less and knows how to make it work than be with someone who spends without thinking because you never know when your situation could change so it’s essential to have good habits in place.
We should both contribute what we can.
Technically, fair would mean splitting bills and expenses in a way that is proportional to what each of us makes. If I make more than him, I would be fine with paying for dinners out more often. If I want to do certain things that he can’t really afford, my choices are to do them with someone else or be okay with helping him out a little. If I know he’d do the same for me if the situation were reversed, I don’t mind paying for him sometimes.
I’d rather he has a job he loves.
If it’s a choice between making a lot of money at a job he hates or making okay money at a job he loves, I’d pick the latter. I want to date a guy who is happy and has free time to spend with me, not a workaholic who is miserable during the rare time he does have off. What’s the point in having money if you can’t enjoy it?
I can only control my own income.
If I want to make more money, I have some options. I can look for another job, work hard towards a promotion or look for some extra work on the side. I know what I’m capable of and how much money I can realistically make with the skills I have. I can’t find a job for him or control what his salary is so why worry about it? I trust he knows what he’s doing–if I didn’t that would be a whole separate issue.
I don’t need a guy who buys me things.
Of course, it’s nice to get a gift once in awhile and I can’t complain when a guy takes me out on a date, but I don’t need that all the time. I’d rather a relationship that is equal rather than one where I’m always the one being pampered. It makes me feel uncomfortable to let a guy pay for everything all the time. Besides, it should be the thought that matters, not how much he spends.
There are other ways to pitch in.
He might not always be able to take me to the newest restaurant and buy me the most expensive gifts, but that doesn’t mean he can’t think of fun, affordable things to do together and do nice things for me. Maybe he’ll plan a weekend picnic date or change the oil in my car. Being thoughtful and considerate can actually go a long way.
I’d only date a guy who didn’t mind either.
It’s one thing for me to not mind that I make more money than him, but how he feels about the dynamic is important too. If it bothers him or makes him feel “emasculated” when I pay for dinner… well, it’s probably just not going to work out.
More money doesn’t equal better boyfriend.
My ideal boyfriend is smart, open minded and laid back. Having money doesn’t make anyone more likely to have those qualities or be compatible with me. So why should I care how much money he makes?
Money doesn’t buy happiness.
It sounds cliche, but it’s true. More money doesn’t mean we’ll be happy. Even if he made more money than me and could take me on luxurious vacations, it wouldn’t change my feelings for him. His bank account balance has nothing to do with why I’m attracted to him and it’s not going to make me happy if our relationship is on the rocks.
Finances can fluctuate.
Just because I make more than he does at one point doesn’t mean it will always be that way. If he’s just getting his career started it might take a little while to work his way up. I know he’d support me if it came to that, so I’m fine with doing that for him.
We have to decide what works for us.
Every couple is different and that includes how they manage their money and split the finances. No matter who is making more, we have to pay the bills somehow so it makes sense to split them based on what we’re each able to pitch in. That way we’ll both have some let over after bills and won’t feel like we’re living beyond our means.
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