I don’t get it. All of my friends complain that they can’t meet guys who want to start a family, and I have the opposite problem. I’ve never wanted kids, not once in my entire life. Somehow, though, I always end up dating guys who just love the idea of being a daddy. Why is this happening to me? I’m about to lose my mind…
- I’m a sucker for “nice guys”. You know, the kind who respect me, treat me well and are all-around decent people. I do believe that there must be good guys out there who don’t want a family. I’m a good girl who doesn’t want a family. I just don’t seem to ever meet those guys. I only meet the nice boys who want to settle down and be fathers.
- I’m attracted to that sweet, sensitive, boyish quality. I just love sweet guys. I always have. Unfortunately for me, it seems this kind of man is also more likely to be into the idea of starting a family. They’re kind and loving and they want kids to love also. Can’t a man be kind and loving and just want to give all that to me?
- I’ve never been into bad boys. Losers hold no thrill for me. Why would I date a guy who doesn’t treat me well? I won’t do it. Misogynistic attitudes and insensitivity are the biggest turnoffs in the world. I don’t want to live some crazy, dangerous life — I just want to keep my independence and freedom. It’s not the same thing.
- I love kids — I just don’t want any of my own. There’s a big gap between being the cool aunt and having to be a responsible mother. I’ve always been a bit of a loner, and I don’t especially need a man in my life to make me happy. I can’t imagine giving up the freedom that I value so dearly to children. I just can’t. I know I would love them, but I think I’d also resent them.
- Guys never believe me when I tell them I don’t want kids. It’s really annoying. Half of the time they just say, “Oh yes you do”, or “You will someday”. Don’t tell me what I want. You aren’t me. GTFO. It’s such an incredibly rude and dismissive way to behave. They just go along hoping that I’ll change my mind. Not a good way to proceed in a relationship.
- I always discuss the kid thing much too late. I’ve felt weird bringing up such a serious issue early on in dating, but the truth is, it’s necessary. After going through a very painful breakup because he decided he wanted kids, I will now approach this topic much sooner. If it makes the guy uncomfortable, so be it. I’d rather know where we stand before I get attached.
- I catch feelings even though I know it won’t work. So I avoid the serious topics, I start feeling something for the guy, and by the time I realize we aren’t compatible in major ways, I already care about him too much. I keep going, knowing deep down it’s a fool’s errand but so infatuated that I refuse to see the truth. By the time we end up separating over it anyway, I’m in love and it hurts like hell.
- I keep thinking maybe I’ll change my mind someday. I haven’t yet…but what if I do? I’ve changed my mind about lots of things as I get older. What if the right guy suddenly softens me into wanting a family? You never know. Because I’m so unsure, I get confused over whether I should cut a romance short or give it a chance. I’m scared that I’ll lose a guy I love and then realize I want kids after all.
- I have the worst luck in the world. When it comes down to it, this is the only conclusion I reach. Why else would I literally always date wanna-be dads? I’ve never, ever had a boyfriend who didn’t eventually decide he wants children. Most of those relationships ended for other reasons, but the kid problem was always in the back of my head as well. It’s the worst.