I Don’t Think I Ever Want Kids & I Feel Really Guilty About It

It could just be a phase, but lately I’ve been feeling like I really don’t want kids, partially because they scare me and I don’t feel responsible enough. It’s also partly because I don’t want to go through the labor of childbirth. Who knows, but I feel like I “should” be thinking about children and like I’ll be socially ousted if I don’t have them.

  1. Obviously, my decision isn’t set in stone. I haven’t decided here and now that I don’t want kids. I’m only sharing how I feel when I think about the prospect of having them. At the moment, the idea of having children is totally unappealing. It’s only recently that I realized just how much I feel uncertain about it whereas before I just assumed I was going to have them no matter what. It’s good to be thinking about it, I guess?
  2. I’m afraid I’m going to mess them up. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve done a ton of personal growth work. Still, I’m a flawed human and I’d be afraid to pass that on to my child. My parents were doing the absolute best they could and they still messed me up pretty good. There’s no guarantee that a kid’s going to turn out OK.
  3. I’m terrified I’ll be irresponsible. You hear about those parents who have a routine in the morning that’s different than their normal one and they accidentally leave their infant in the car while they’re at work? I’m terrified that I’d do something like that. I can be an airhead sometimes and what if it cost me my child’s life? I know these are dramatic thoughts, but it’s no joke having the responsibility of being a mother.
  4. I don’t want to do the physical act of giving birth to the kid. Call me a wuss, but I do not want to give birth. I know no one does, but I REALLY don’t want to. The idea of how much that’s got to hurt is enough to make me say “no thanks.” I know women muscle through it all day every day, but man, I can’t say it seems worth it to me. I don’t want to adopt, either, which makes me think it’s a bigger just don’t want kids thing.
  5. I do worry about loneliness when I’m older. That’s one of the biggest things people say- what about when you get older? Aren’t you going to want kids then? Of course, I worry about being alone when I’m an old lady, but I also will have lots of friends surrounding me. Feeling lonely sucks, but I don’t think this worry is enough to make me want to have them.
  6. I’ll have to find a partner in the same boat as me. A lot of people really want kids. I’m in an awkward place now too where I can’t confidently say I’m certain I don’t want kids. Instead, I just have to be honest with people that I’m pretty unsure while also leaning towards not wanting them. This will turn away a lot of people, but I have to be straightforward.
  7. Kids don’t make people happier. A study by Princeton found that “On average, an American parent reports being 12% unhappier than a non-parent in America.” I see these studies over and over again that while parents say they’re more fulfilled than non-parents, the research just doesn’t show it. People without kids are happier. This fuels my desire to want to remain childless!
  8. I feel like people are going to judge me. I feel horrible about not wanting kids because the default is that you grow up and have kids. You’re kind of an outcast if you don’t. Some of my family members might judge. Society will judge me for not wanting kids. I guess I just have to not care what others think.
  9. Ultimately, I have to do what’s right for me. I can’t be scared into having kids. I can’t have them because I think I “should.” Those aren’t reasons to go through with it. I need to do what I feel in my heart is right, even if it upsets other people and even kind of upsets me. After all, I’m the one who has to live with my decision for the rest of my days.
  10. I still have some time. I’m only 27; I still have a bit of time before my eggs aren’t fertile anymore. I might change my mind as I grow up. I still have more to learn and lots of growing to do, so who knows!
Ginelle has been writing professionally for more than six years and has a bachelor’s degree in digital marketing & design. Her writing has appeared on Birdie, Thought Catalog, Tiny Buddha and more. You can follow her on Instagram @ginelletesta, via her Facebook page, or through her website at ginelletesta.com.