I Don’t Want Kids & It’s Making It Pretty Much Impossible To Find Love

I never thought that not wanting to have kids would affect my love life so drastically, but it has. I’ve never had maternal instincts, but almost every guy I’ve dated wants to start a family. I’m starting to wonder if I’ll ever find someone who’s on the same page as me.

  1. I thought wanting to remain child-free would work in my favor. I thought I might have an advantage over all those girls who do want kids because I figured a lot of men would feel the opposite. Turns out I was very wrong, and the older dudes get, the more inclined they are to want to start a family. I seem to be out of luck.
  2. I expected that there would be more men who wanted freedom. I’ve always thought of men as wanting less responsibility in the familial sense, but then I realized that a lot of guys feel purpose when they start a family. If they didn’t have meaning in their lives, that gives it to them. I don’t feel the need to do that—my life has plenty of purpose already.
  3. I like my life just the way it is and I don’t want that to change. I’ve literally never in my entire life felt any urge to have children. I simply don’t understand why anyone would. I have an amazing life full of freedom, flexibility, and adventure. I’d never trade that away. I can’t seem to find a guy who feels like I do and it’s kinda crazy.
  4. I keep meeting men who hope I’ll change my mind. The most frustrating thing in the world is to be completely upfront with a dude about my child-free mentality and have him brush it aside or secretly hope that I’ll love him enough to adjust my thinking. It’s not going to happen, and any guy who tries to change isn’t for me.
  5. I’ve never felt my biological clock ticking. I’m in my mid-thirties and I think it’s safe to say that I know what I want for my future. Considering the fact that pregnancy and children inspire nothing but dread in my mind, I don’t think that I’m going to feel any regret or conflict over my decision.
  6. I think having a family sounds terrible. I’m not trying to be a jerk, but I honestly don’t understand it at all. I’d never give up all my freedom and independence to spend every last bit of my time, energy, and money on having kids. I don’t see the reward in it.
  7. I seem to only be attracted to men who want to be dads. I don’t understand why this keeps happening. It feels like the universe is playing a terrible joke on me. Maybe it’s just that way more guys are into the family life than I expected. Whatever it is, I feel like I’m never going to find a good man who doesn’t want any kids.
  8. I’d much rather chill on my own than have a partner who wants different things. Yeah, I’m tired of being single, but it’s better than falling for a guy who doesn’t agree with my vision for my future. I don’t see any point in starting something with a man if I know we’ll just break up down the line.
  9. I never imagined I’d be in this situation. I’m still in a state of disbelief. Never did I think I’d be single at this age primarily because I can’t find a man I’m compatible with who also doesn’t want children. I can hardly find a guy that I like in the first place—finding one who isn’t looking to start a family is impossible.
  10. I miss love but not enough to compromise my position. I’m not at all wishy-washy on this point. I know there are people that could go either way depending on the situation, but that’s not me. I don’t want to end up on my own, but if the other option is to have children that I don’t actually want, I’d rather stay single forever.
  11. I feel like it’s a lot easier to be a dad than a mom. Being a parent isn’t an easy job in general, but it does seem like the burden of child-rearing falls to the mother way more often. It’s like guys just want kids so they have someone to play with because they’re like giant kids themselves. I’m not playing that game.
  12. I know who I am and what I want. I have a strong sense of self and a clear idea of what I want for my future. Nowhere does that vision include children in my life. It’s never going to happen, but I don’t see why that should mean I end up single. There has to be a great guy out there for me who feels the same.
A former actress who has always loved the art of the written word, Amy is excited to be here sharing her stories! She just completed her first novel, and is also a contributor for Elite Daily, Dirty & Thirty, and Thought Catalog. Amy is the founder of What If Journey and can be found on Twitter @amyhorton18. You can also visit her website at amyhorton.net.