I Don’t Want Kids Right Now But My BF & I Don’t Use Birth Control

You might think that my boyfriend and I are crazy for not using anything form of birth control even though we don’t want kids right now, but it’s actually a lot more common occurrence with couples than you realize.

  1. Yes, we know it’s irresponsible and frankly kind of stupid. We’ve all taken sex ed courses in high school and seen Juno too. Of course we’re aware of the consequences of not using birth control. My BF and I both know that not using any form at all is not the most responsible choice, but this is the one we’re making.
  2. I don’t like how birth control pills affect my body. They make me feel bloated and hormonal, which are not side effects I enjoy experiencing. I haven’t taken birth control pills for over two years and my body feels better that way. Everyone reacts differently to medications and the risk of not taking birth control is worth it for me to feel better.
  3. Sex feels better without condoms, to be honest. And they’re expensive. But mainly, it feels better for both of us without a condom, which is why we prefer not to use them with each other. A lot of people would say that sounds like a copout, but it’s true—both my boyfriend and I experience more pleasure when the sex is condom-free.
  4. We’re in a committed, monogamous relationship. Of course, we realize we have the possibility of getting pregnant by not using any birth control but we only sleep with each other, so we’re not exposing each other to STDs. If I wasn’t in a committed relationship, I would most definitely use condoms and not risk any potential illnesses. However, my BF and I know that we’re not putting each other’s health at risk.
  5. It’s kind of hot that it’s a little risky. Knowing that having unprotected sex with each other is a little risky is a turn on, the same way having sex somewhere you might get caught makes it a little bit more passionate and intense. The risk factor makes hooking up a little bit more scandalous and exciting, which is fun in a long-term relationship.
  6. I completely trust him. I know that he would absolutely never cheat on me or lie to me about sleeping with other people and vice versa. I also know that if I were to get pregnant, he would be supportive about whatever decision I made and be there for me. Even though it would be difficult, we’d make it work together.
  7. We’ve talked about what we would do if we did get pregnant. We’re comfortable enough with each other to have open communication about what we’d do if we were to get pregnant. We’ve talked about our concerns and fears as well as our views on each of the options we would have if the situation did occur. It’s not as if we’re totally ignoring reality—we’re always upfront and honest with each other.
  8. It makes our connection stronger and more intimate. Not using any birth control makes us feel even closer, both emotionally and physically. It’s definitely risky, but we’ve reached an incredibly deep level of intimacy in our relationship.
  9. Like many things in life, I let fate decide the outcome. Instead of being proactive and using birth control, I leave it up to chance to decide what’s going to happen and when. This might not be the most logical approach, but I’ve never been one for making plans, anyway. Sometimes unexpected surprises come at the best time for them even though you wouldn’t have particularly chosen that exact moment for it; you just have to adjust and handle them as best you can.
  10. It’s not that we don’t care about what might happen or aren’t aware of how serious it is. A baby is a huge decision and life change. Your priorities have to completely change. It’s not like we think it’s not a big deal or don’t understand how much having a baby would completely change our lives. We know that if we were to get pregnant, it would be an incredibly life-altering change, but we’d help each other to adjust to it together.
  11. There will never be a perfect time to have kids or a time when I’ll feel completely ready to have them. I don’t think anyone really ever feels ready to have a baby when it happens. The big things in life never really happen at the “ideal” time for most people, but sometimes it works out better that way. I’m not ready to have a baby right now, but I don’t think there will ever be a time where I’m completely ready anyway.
  12. We do eventually want to have kids with each other. Ideally, it’ll be a in a few years when we have life figured out a little more and we’re a little more financially secure (fingers crossed for both of those). But, we’ve talked about our future together and we want to have kids eventually, which is why I know if it happened, we’d be able to figure it out together.
Kerry is a freelance writer from Boston, Massachusetts who now lives in the Sunshine State with the love of her life and her 15 month old daughter. She writes frequently about her personal experiences (find more of her work on www.followmetogetlost.wordpress.com). She has an Etsy shop with cute items: https://www.etsy.com/shop/FollowMeToGetLostWhen she's not writing, she loves to spend time outside, at the beach, and with her family.