At this point, pretty much everyone you meet has been with someone else. When I get in a relationship, or even just start talking to a new guy, I never wonder whether he had a girlfriend before me, I just assume he has — and that’s cool with me. I had a different guy before him, but that doesn’t mean we need to talk about it. In fact, here’s why I’d seriously prefer it if we didn’t:
I’ll start comparing our relationship.
If you tell me about your past relationship, whether it be good or bad, I’ll start wondering how our relationship adds up. I’ll wonder if you had more fun with her, if she did something that I don’t and you wish I did, and if she’s still on your mind. I’ll start wondering if your relationship with her was better than ours. And I’ll probably even convince myself that you would rather be back in a relationship with her, no matter how many times you tell me that isn’t true.
I’ll go crazy stalking her social media.
Twitter. Instagram. Facebook. I’ll Google search her name if I have to. Don’t ask me why. I know seeing her and learning more about her will just make it worse, but that’s what happens. So don’t put me in that situation. I don’t want to go all crazy stalker girl, but I will if I have to.
I’ll think about you and her being together sexually.
If you were with her, you most likely screwed her. That’s not something I really want to be thinking about, especially because knowing me, it will slip in my mind during the most awkward times. And it might even effect the intimacy in our relationship. That isn’t worth it to me.
It will make me less trusting.
I’ll start to wonder if you still talk to her. Maybe you see her around town. Are you friends with her family? Where I once trusted you, knowing the details about your last relationship will change that. And trust is one of the most important parts of a relationship. Even if you are being honest and loyal with me, if you keep wanting to talk about your last girl, I’ll start to wonder if there is still something going on.
I’ll become jealous.
I don’t like the thought of you being with someone else – now, in the future, or in the past. I get pissed off when other girls look at you and flirt with you. Thinking of another girl who got to spend months, maybe even years, with you makes me envious.
I’ll start comparing myself to her.
Is she prettier than me? Is she smarter? Does she have a better job? Did you like her better? All these concerns and more will come rushing in my head, even if I don’t want them to. And nothing you say will make them stop, so we’re both screwed.
I would rather talk about more important things.
If you learned something about yourself from that relationship and it has made you a better person, I would love to talk about that. I don’t need to know how long and beautiful her hair is or about the awesome vacation you took together to understand you better as a person.
I want to focus on our future not your past.
It may have been you and her at one point, but now it’s me and you. Instead of focusing on the past, I want to focus on what our future is going to look like. For example, let’s start planning the vacation you’re going to take me on!
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