If You Don’t Want A Relationship, Please Don’t Say You Do Just To Keep Having Sex With Me

I understand that you want to get laid, but it really sucks when you start sleeping with me and then keep the “relationship” going without telling me you aren’t ready for it and/or don’t want it. You’re not kidding anyone and it’s only a matter of time before you realize the hole you’ve dug for yourself.

  1. It’s going to end in heartbreak for the both of us. The longer this “relationship” goes on, the deeper I’m going to fall in love with you — and this is not a good thing. If I like someone, I really like them. If you choose to get into a relationship with me, be prepared to deal with my intense feelings for you. It’s not something that you can just change your mind about. If you let it go too far, we’re both gonna be in a pile of tears by the end of it and I’m pretty sure that neither of us wants that.
  2. I get that you’re horny, but so is everyone else. Seriously, just go on Tinder and find a girl who’s DTF. If you’re not ready for a relationship right now, find someone else who’s in the same boat as you. Unlike you, I want an actual relationship. I’m in that romance and love kinda headspace and the fact that you’re taking advantage of that is pretty disgraceful.
  3. I’m gonna get my feelings hurt. Do you really wanna be the guy who breaks girls’ hearts? I’m not a toy for you to mess around with. I’m a human being with real emotions and you can really hurt me with this if you’re not careful. I get that you really like having sex with me, but I need our relationship to be based on more than just that, and I don’t think you want it to be…
  4. There’s nothing wrong with admitting you can’t handle a relationship right now. I do it all the time. It’s always better to be upfront and honest rather than fake intimacy just so you can keep getting laid. I can tell you’re not ready for a relationship, but you keep trying to convince me that you are. I just really wish you would come out and say it so we could both move on, either as hookup buddies or exes.
  5. You can’t fool me — I know what you’re up to. Guys do this to me all the time and I can tell that you’re no exception. There are always clues, too. Every activity seems to involve sex or is on the way to sex. I always seem to say “I love you” first and you hint at sex constantly. I’ve been here before and I’m just waiting for the moment when you realize you’re trapped and then blame me for “forcing” you into a relationship when it was you who said you wanted it from the beginning. Yeah, I’ve been through this before.
  6. I could be dating other guys who actually want to be with me not just be in me. I want a guy who’s interested in every part of me, not just my body. By you being greedy and keeping me in a half-assed relationship with you when you have no intention of keeping it going longer than a few months, you’re keeping me from finding a guy who’s actually ready for a relationship and isn’t just looking for an easy lay. It’s incredibly disrespectful.
  7. Sometimes it’s just bad timing. Speaking of which, sometimes it’s just the wrong place, with the wrong people at the wrong time and that’s ok. Life happens and I’m not going to judge you for not being ready for a relationship because I’ve been there myself. I just want to make sure you’re being real with yourself because trust me, you’re going to regret it after you get in too deep.
  8. Not all girls need a relationship to have sex. I’m capable of separating love from sex, so if you think that all women need to be “romanced” in order to want to sleep with you then you must be living in the wrong decade. If you would’ve just told me from the beginning that you only wanted sex, chances are I would’ve been fine with it and even grateful to you for being honest with me.
  9. I’d like to at least know if I’m being used for sex. I’m okay with being used for sex as long as I know what’s going on. I’ve gotten hurt in the past when I would start to sleep with someone and assumed we were in a relationship (or at least heading there) when the whole time, it was completely casual in his head. He never “said” that it wasn’t a relationship, but it sure as hell “felt” like it. So please, just tell me what the situation is so I don’t get too excited too soon.
  10. If you don’t know what you want, just pick something. I get it — I don’t know what I want half the time, but I think it’s really important to be clear about intentions in relationships. There’s a lot on the line — time, energy, feelings etc — and I don’t want any of these to go to waste. You’re either ready or you’re not. There can’t really be an in-between, so if you feel like you’re on the fence, just go with “not ready”. It’ll save both of us a lot of unnecessary hassle.
Jennifer is a playwright, dancer, and theatre nerd living in the big city of Toronto, Canada. She studied Creative Writing at Concordia University and works as a lifestyle writer who focuses on Health, B2B, Tech, Psychology, Science, Food Trends and Millennial Life. She's also a coreographer, playwright, and lyricist, with choreography credits for McMaster University’s “Spring Awakening,” “Roxanne” for the Guelph Contemporary Dance Festival, and “The Beaver Den” for The LOT, among others.

You can see more of her work on her Contently page and follow her on Instagram @jenniferenchin.