I Don’t Want To Text You, I Want To Date You

It’s a given that when I start dating someone new, we’re going to text a lot. It can be a good way to get to know someone and stay in touch between dates. The problem? Sometimes the texting takes over and it’s pretty much the entire relationship. Here’s why a guy needs to think twice before texting me 24/7:

  1. Some guys are better texters than talkers and I’m over that. I had a bad experience with a guy who was obsessed with texting. He got in touch morning, noon and night and was the perfect guy… over text. He was funny, had the right emoji for any situation or subject, and seemed interested in me. In real life? He was nervous and afraid of intimacy. I can’t go through that again. If I’m going to date someone, I’d rather talk to him in person than over our iPhones.
  2. I would rather hang out with him than my phone all night. The most frustrating thing in the world? When a guy supposedly isn’t free to hang out with me but then texts me all night long. Not happening. If he wants to talk to me, then he needs to make a plan. We can sit across from each other in a restaurant or hang out at one of our apartments. It’s so much better than just hanging out via our phones.
  3. I have a life and he needs one too. If he’s going to text me all day long, I’m going to wonder what else he has going on or if there’s anything going on at all. I have a life and I want a guy who has one too. While it’s totally fine if he wants to check in and ask how my day’s going, I don’t have time or patience to text for hours.
  4. He should say important things to my face. It’s totally normal to ask someone out via text message, whether that’s for the first date or even the second or third. What isn’t so normal is texting something important instead of saying it to someone’s face. If he wants to tell me that he likes me and wants to keep seeing me, he should say that to my face, not my phone. If he can’t do that, why are we even together?
  5. Texting is a false sense of connection. I’ve made the mistake of thinking that if a guy texted me all the time, that meant that he really liked me and that we were forming a real connection. When the crap hit the fan in that relationship, it became obvious that texting is a false thing. If I’m going to feel close to him, I need to spend time with him. Period.
  6. Digital distance makes the heart go fonder. If he wants to keep in touch 24/7, I’m going to feel overwhelmed and smothered no matter how much I like him. The truth is that having some space and distance will only help our relationship and make me excited for when I’m going to see him next.
  7. It’s easy to run out of things to talk about. I’ve had the crappy experience of talking to a guy via text non-stop and then realizing in that in person, the connection is over and we’ve run out of things to chat about. I don’t want to deal with that again. Let’s save some things for our real dates.
  8. I don’t want to think that we’re something that we’re not. When a guy is in constant contact with me, it’s harder for me to think that things might not work out. I don’t want to be super cynical and of course I want to fall in love sometime soon. I just want to stay realistic about the fact that sometimes, things just don’t work out. If he texts me all the time, I’m going to fall for him because I’m going to assume that we’re already a done deal. I’d like to avoid getting ahead of myself.
  9. It makes him seem insecure. Is he scared to stop texting me because he thinks that I’m going to stop liking him? When he can’t put down his phone, I start to wonder if he’s insecure, and that’s not an attractive quality. It’s okay if we don’t talk sometimes.
  10. There’s no replacement for dating IRL. In the age of social media and dating apps, it’s easy to think that dating means filling out a profile and messaging a few people. Newsflash: that’s not actually dating. There’s no replacement for dating IRL and I’m not going to keep seeing him if he’d rather text me than see me in person. As long as we’re hanging out on a regular basis, he should feel free to send me a text every now and then to let me know that he’s thinking about me. If he wants a digital pen pal, though, he needs to find someone else.
Aya Tsintziras is a freelance lifestyle writer and editor from Toronto, Canada. In addition to writing about dating and relationships for Bolde, she also writes about movies, TV, and video games for ScreenRant and GameRant. She has a Political Science degree from the University of Toronto and a Masters of Journalism from Ryerson University. You can find her on Twitter @ayatsintziras and on Instagram @aya.tsintziras.