Your Relationship Will Never Last If You Don’t Want The Same Things

Finding someone you actually want to date in the first place isn’t easy. And once you get to that comfortable stage where you can fart in front of each other, and finish each other’s sentences, and you just get each other, it can be really hard to see whether this person is actually good for you in the long run. You may be in love, and you may want it to work, but sometimes love doesn’t conquer all. Relationships that last are built on trust and respect, and frankly, knowing that you’re both headed down the same path. Sometimes if you hit a cross roads and you realize you’re headed in opposite directions, it’s for the best.

  1. There are some things you shouldn’t have to compromise on. If one of you wants kids and the other definitely doesn’t, there’s no point in sticking around hoping one of you changes your mind. There is no half way when it comes to kids. They completely change your life, and if that isn’t something you see for yourself, don’t waste your time with someone who does.
  2. Being single is better than living your life for someone else. You don’t need to be a relationship. So, if you do choose to be in one, it better be one that makes your life better, not more difficult. Or else what’s the point?
  3. You have to put yourself first. People are always saying you need to be happy on your own before you can be happy in a relationship. If you’re constantly giving things up to make your relationship work, you’ll wake up one day and realize you have no idea who you are anymore. You deserve more than to be defined by your relationship.
  4. Being with someone isn’t going to solve all your problems. In fact, it’s probably going to create a few new ones, especially if you’re constantly butting heads. You probably have more important things to spend your time and energy on than petty fights with a guy who’s not going to be around for long anyway.
  5. Resentment kills a relationship. You might think you’re fine with a particular compromise, but if it’s something that was important you, you might end up changing your mind down the road when you realize how much you gave up. Resentment is a hard thing to overcome, because it starts small and before you know it, it’s the only thing that matters.
  6. People change their minds. At the beginning of a relationship, you’re probably pretty good at ignoring red flags, but as time goes by, you start to realize what you can and cannot live with. It’s okay to change your mind. Just because you thought you could live with something at one point doesn’t mean you’ll always be locked into that decision. Life isn’t that black and white.
  7. Saying the words isn’t going to be enough. Saying you’re willing to compromise on something because all you want is to make the relationship work is easy. But actually believing it, and following through on your promises, is a lot harder.
  8. Compatibility is complicated. Sometimes opposites attract. And sometimes you might love a certain quality in one person, but be completely repulsed by it in someone else. For example, everyone has a sense of humour, but that doesn’t mean everyone can make you laugh. If that’s something that’s important to you, there’s no use in settling for less.
  9. You can’t expect someone else to change for you. Do you really think you’ll special enough to make someone want to change who they are for you? They might say they can change, but it’s a lot easier said than done. Just like you don’t want to end up resenting them, you don’t want them to resent you either.
  10. Compromise only works if both people want it. Being flexible and genuinely open to compromise is hard enough as it is. Finding a middle ground is a lot harder than you think, and you probably won’t always get what you want. If someone is always harboring bitterness, it’s only a matter of time before that all comes to the surface.
By day, Courtney is a digital marketing copywriter living in Toronto, Canada. By night, she's a freelance lifestyle writer who, in addition to, contributes regularly to, IN Magazine, and SheBlogs Canada. Want to chat about relationships, Stephen King or your favorite true crime podcast/documentary/book? She's on Twitter @courtooo.