I Don’t Want To Be The Woman Of Some Guy’s Dreams—I’m Too Busy Realizing My Own

The idea of being a stay-at-home mom with a white picket fence and dinner on the table at 6 o’clock every night has never appealed to me. There’s nothing wrong with that if that’s your thing, but personally, I’ve never wanted to be the woman of some guy’s dreams—my own dreams have always been more important.

  1. I’m fulfilled without a man but I wouldn’t be if I gave up on my dreams for one. Sometimes it feels like you have to choose between love and your goals, and while it’s certainly possible to make both work, if I have to choose between one or the other, I’m choosing my dreams. Love (and men) are inconsistent but my dreams and goals progress the more I work towards them.
  2. I still have mistakes to make and lessons to learn in order to figure myself out. The version of me I’m working to become isn’t some idealized dream girl but a driven, self-assured version of myself that will only be possible if I make (and learn from) mistakes. I’m not ready to be the perfect girlfriend, the perfect wife, or the perfect mother—and to be honest, I’m not sure if I ever will be.
  3. I don’t have time to deal with the BS that happens in dating these days. I’m too busy working towards my goals and realizing new dreams to deal with games, drama, and inconsistency. It’s not worth it to me to sacrifice my precious time (which I never have enough of anyway) to date someone who isn’t going to be straight up with me and treat me well.
  4. Being some guy’s dream girl is boring; following your dreams makes life worth it. I don’t want to try to make myself fit into someone else’s idea of perfection; I would rather spend that time and energy focusing on and working towards my own dreams. There are so many things I want to accomplish and not a lot of time to do it in, so I know where my energy is best invested.
  5. I refuse to dream smaller. My dreams are big and I’ll admit sometimes they seem impossible. They can scare guys off or make relationships more difficult because I have less time to commit to someone else. However, I refuse to dream any smaller or change my goals, especially for a guy. If I don’t fulfill some of my dreams or meet some of my goals for myself, it’ll be after trying every option and making every effort first.
  6. My goals and passions can be intimidating to others, especially potential boyfriends. I know what I want out of life and have a (semi-flexible) plan on how to get it. I’m also extremely self-reliant, dedicated and confident in myself. These qualities of mine are what I love most; however, they can be intimidating to some of the guys I meet.
  7. Being some dude’s “dream girl” is just a fantasy and isn’t realistic. Even if I wanted to be the woman of some guy’s dreams, it’s an impossible standard to try to meet and even more impossible to keep up with. That’s why it’s called the woman of his dreams—because his dreams are the only place he will find her. A “dream girl” doesn’t exist in real life, because nobody is perfect.
  8. Guys don’t strive to be the man of some girl’s dreams so why should I? Do you think guys ever try to figure out what a woman’s “dream man” consists of, let alone actually try to become that? I’m going to have to go with definitely not, so why should women? It’s exhausting and impossible.
  9. My dreams are the priority in my life right now and I want to keep it that way. I want to put my dreams and goals first. Trying to achieve the definition of a guy’s “dream girl” would distract me and take away time that I could be spending on my own goals. I don’t need a supporting roll in someone else’s dream because I already have a starring one in mine.
Kerry is a freelance writer from Boston, Massachusetts who now lives in the Sunshine State with the love of her life and her 15 month old daughter. She writes frequently about her personal experiences (find more of her work on www.followmetogetlost.wordpress.com). She has an Etsy shop with cute items: https://www.etsy.com/shop/FollowMeToGetLostWhen she's not writing, she loves to spend time outside, at the beach, and with her family.