Don’t Waste Your Energy Hating The Woman He Loves Next

You broke up and you’re officially his ex. You can pray and pray that he’ll be celibate until his dying days, but chances your wish comes true are slim to none. It might hurt you to hear this, but he’s going to move on. You can hate the player for everything he did to you, but you shouldn’t hate the woman he loves next. Here’s why:

  1. You didn’t own him. He was not and is not your property. He’s single and allowed to mingle with whoever he’d like. It might hurt you to see him move on, but the girl he moves on with likely isn’t trying to hurt you. She’s innocent in all of this and has no idea about your history. He was thrown back to all the fish in the sea and she caught him. You broke up, and at the end of the day he’s fair game.
  2. Your relationship is over and you both have the right to move on. At some point, you’ll move on too, and you know what? It won’t be any of your ex’s business. Once you part ways, you no longer have a say in each other’s love lives. As hard as it may be to hear, you’re a part of his old life. He’s starting a new chapter and it doesn’t feature you. It’s her time now. She might not necessarily be his future, but you need to accept the fact that you’re his past.
  3. She’s not the one who hurt you. He did that. It was never her intention for him to break your heart — that happened before he even met her, so why are you choosing to put part (if not all) of the blame on her? That’s anything but fair. She’s not trying to cause you pain. She’s just trying to fall in love, and that shouldn’t be a crime.
  4. Your beef is with him. If he treated you poorly, that’s no reflection on her. You can’t blame her for the fact that he moved on. If you have unsolved issues with your ex then leave her out of it. What happened in your relationship is between you and him. It had nothing to do with her, so make sure you hold the right person responsible.
  5. Just think, she could be his next victim. What’s the point in hating a woman who could be going down the same path as you? Who says he’ll treat her any better? You don’t know their story and even if she knows part of yours, she doesn’t know the whole thing. They might be actually falling in love, but she also might be the next heart he breaks. If he hasn’t changed his ways then she’s just as screwed as you were.
  6. You don’t even know her. How can you hate a woman you’ve never even met? Under different circumstances, you might even like her. That doesn’t mean you need to be her new best friend, it just means you should give her the benefit of the doubt. You don’t know her, so don’t judge her. Your hatred is misplaced.
  7. Being bitter isn’t going to help you find love. Stop focusing on what he’s doing and start focusing on yourself. In reality, you want to be doing what he’s doing — moving on. You have every right to be hurt by his actions, but don’t let that anger consume you. What you need to do is let go because you’ll never find love yourself if you don’t.
  8. How would you feel if you were her? Odds are, any man you date is going to have an ex. Do you want his ex hating you when she doesn’t even know you? You haven’t done anything to her, and guess what? Your ex’s new girlfriend has done absolutely nothing to you. It’s not her fault he dumped you, so stop blaming her and start moving on.
  9. She’s just trying to find love. Same as you. Can you really blame her for that? At the end of the day, most of us just want to find someone. He’s single and she scooped him up. It sucks that he’s your ex, but she wasn’t thinking of you when she met him. She just wants to find love, and maybe if you stopped focusing on your ex, you’d find it too.
  10. You can’t hold women responsible for a man’s behavior. That’s just plain sexist. She might be his girlfriend now, but any of his actions before or even during their relationship are not her responsibility. She can’t control him. He hurt you on his own. At the end of the day, you have to accept that none of this is her fault. You can certainly hate him, but you have no right to hate the woman he loves next.
Kelsey Dykstra is a freelance writer based in Huntington Beach, CA. She has a bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing from Grand Valley State University and been writing professionally since graduating in 2013. In addition to writing about love and relationships for Bolde and lifestyle topics for Love to Know, she also writes about payment security and small business solutions for PaymentCloud.

Originally from Michigan, this warm weather seeker relocated to the OC just last summer. Kelsey enjoys writing her own fictional pieces, reading a variety of young adult novels, binging on Netflix, and of course soaking up the sun.

You can find more about Kelsey on her LinkedIn profile or on Twitter @dykstrakelsey.