Don’t Waste Your Time With A Guy Who Doesn’t Like Foreplay—Here’s Why It’s Not Worth It

If your boyfriend thinks foreplay isn’t a big deal or he claims not to like it, you have every right to end your relationship. Sounds harsh? Here are 13 reasons foreplay is a must in every relationship.

  1. You need external stimulation. Yes, vaginal sex feels great, but sometimes you get more powerful orgasms outside of the vagina, like from clitoral stimulation. In fact, you might be someone who enjoys foreplay more than sex on most days. You shouldn’t let men shame you for this because it’s totally normal. After all, as many as one in three women battles to reach orgasm during sex. It just goes to show: foreplay can be a really big deal in the bedroom.
  2. You want a guy who’s mad about you. Part of being cra about you in bed is wanting to kiss and touch you all over, not just rush you through intercourse. Ugh. What’s wrong with him?
  3. You’re probably giving him foreplay. If you’re the only one doing sexual acts that are commonly found in foreplay, such as giving him oral sex, but he’s not returning the favor, this is a huge problem! He should be giving you the same in return. It just doesn’t cut it for him to say that he doesn’t like going down on you but then expects you to give him head. No ways.
  4. If it matters to you, it’s worth sticking to your standards. You should never deny yourself pleasure. Your sexual needs matter just as much as your relationship needs outside of the bedroom. The least your partner can do is see your point of view and try to meet you halfway.
  5. He might be a selfish AF lover. Yup, a guy who erases foreplay from the bedroom sounds like the type of guy who just wants to focus on his own sexual pleasure and orgasm. So, if he wants to have penetrative sex, he’ll be down for that, totally ignoring your need for foreplay. It’s all about his satisfaction. Ugh, what a party pooper.
  6. Foreplay is more important than it seems. Sex and relationship therapist Pepper Schwartz, Ph.D. says that foreplay is about seduction, conversation, and touching the body. She adds that it should go on throughout lovemaking. Let’s be real: without such delicious foreplay, it’s sometimes difficult to feel hot and seductive. What, you’re just supposed to have sex without foreplay every single time, missing out on all that good stuff? Oh, hell no!
  7. If he doesn’t do foreplay, he doesn’t get your needs. Everyone needs foreplay for their own reasons, but if your partner’s not even asking you what your reasons are for wanting foreplay, he’s not worth your time. The guy should be trying to understand where you’re coming from and he should make your sexual pleasure a priority, at least as much as he makes his own.
  8. He doesn’t compromise. It’s not like foreplay is just one sexual act that he doesn’t want to do. So many different things can form part of foreplay: kissing, touching, stroking, oral sex, fingering, massage, and much more. How can he be against all types of foreplay? That’s mad, and starting to sound like a really silly excuse. What a douchebag.
  9. You shouldn’t have to beg. There’s never a good enough reason to have to beg or try to persuade your partner to please you in the sack. In fact, you shouldn’t have to degrade yourself, and the right partner never would expect you to do this. He’d want to pleasure you as much as possible—you wouldn’t even have to ask.
  10. It’s not all about getting turned on. Some guys tend to think that foreplay is just about warming up before sex and getting in the mood, sort of like warming up a car in winter before taking a drive. Screw that! It’s about so much more. It can be about exploring each other’s bodies, experiencing different types of orgasms, and being intimate in different ways.
  11. Intercourse isn’t always enough. Men might pride themselves on being able to sexually satisfy a woman during intercourse, so when they hear that women actually want more out of sex, they might feel offended or like they’re not good enough. But honestly, intercourse isn’t always enough. Women have loads of other sexual pleasure they want and deserve, damn it! Can men just deal with this, FFS?
  12. Foreplay can feel more emotional. One of the things that makes foreplay so appealing is that it often feels like it’s more emotionally-charged than penetrative sex. There’s more stimulation, different sensations, and a guy who’s down for foreplay feels like he’s really connecting with you. It’s really this intimacy that makes foreplay such a turn-on.
  13. Sex shouldn’t be rushed. Sorry, but sex isn’t like grabbing a smoothie for breakfast on the way to work or quickly finishing up a task at work so you can get home. It’s not supposed to be rushed, FFS! It should take time, be enjoyable, and maximize pleasure for both parties. If it never achieves this, it can leave you feeling dissatisfied AF. Why would you want to be in a relationship that leaves you feeling “meh”? No thanks!
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.