Solid relationships are all about communication, love, and giving enough of a crap to work to be the best partner you can be. If the guy you’re seeing is playing games or acting like a player, he certainly doesn’t deserve wifey-level perks.
- You deserve to set the bar high from the start. The way a relationship starts sets the level of expectation for the long haul, so if you’re bending over backward trying to impress the new guy in your life by showing him how domesticated and wife-like you are, he might A) freak out or B) slack off on the reciprocation entirely. You want an equal partner who treats you as well as you treat him — you’re looking for a partner, not a guy you have to mother.
- You’ll weed the lazy guys out who don’t measure up. If a guy isn’t willing to step up to the plate and treat you with the respect and courtesy that should come naturally in a relationship, he’ll either wise up or go away when he realizes you’re not working overtime to impress him any more than he is for you. Holding off on truly putting yourself out there is a pretty good way to gauge how into you a guy actually is — the guys that don’t give a damn won’t level themselves up to earn you in a real way.
- You don’t need to prove your worth by playing housewife before he’s even committed. We’ve all been there — you’re dating a guy, you cook him dinner or do thoughtful things for him and he hardly replies to your texts and blows you off in return. Screw that guy! Before you start doing cutesy things for the guy in your life, make sure he’s taking steps to make you feel just as special in return. If he doesn’t make you feel amazing, he doesn’t deserve the amazing YOU, plain and simple.
- Observe who he is and how he treats you without material things. That’s not to say that you need to wait until he makes some type of grand gesture before you’re in safe territory to make him a home-cooked meal or buy tickets to his favorite band as a surprise gift, but you should silently observe his behavior. Does he hold the door for you only when it benefits him because he’s trying to get laid? Does he truly care about your well-being and offer to come take care of you if you’re sick? Or does he sit back like a slack-ass douche and only make time for you when he’s bored and you’re ready to provide him with relationship perks? Pay close attention.
- Give a little bit at a time to see how he appreciates your efforts. No dating situation unfolds perfectly but in the beginning, it should definitely be a give and take. If he’s a gentleman when he takes you on a date, insists on picking up the tab and treats you with respect, it’s perfectly normal for you to want to pick up the next tab or do something kind for him in return. What’s not okay, however, is when he doesn’t take notice or appreciate your efforts. Love is a two-way street.
- If he’s a jerk, he’ll bail before you invest too much. When you only give one cookie crumble at a time, a guy who’s only looking to walk all over you and take advantage of the wife qualities you possess without actually committing to you completely will take himself out of the races on his own — he’ll think you’re too challenging. This is a good thing, even if it doesn’t feel like it in the moment.
- Your generosity needs to be earned from a guy. Of course you want a relationship with someone where you both make an equal effort, but let’s face it — a lot of guys these days take complete advantage of the way the modern dating landscape has turned out. Some guys will only make half-assed efforts and don’t value strong, capable and caring women because they don’t feel like they have to since there are always other options out there. Before you lay all of your cards on the table, let him work a little to show you he genuinely gives a damn about you and that he’s interested in earning his way into your heart.
- The right guy will make your reciprocation and kindness effortless. When you’re with a good guy and not a player, you won’t even need to second guess doing wife and girlfriend level things for him because the way he treats you leaves no doubt in your mind. You’ll cook him a dinner and he’ll lick his plate clean and thank you genuinely. Not only that, but he’ll make sure to keep doing the good crap he’s doing to keep the mutual respect and kindness flowing — it’s called a healthy relationship.
- You don’t owe a new guy anything until he proves he’s worth it. Don’t ever feel like you’re the one who needs to step up and pull out all the stops to prove to a guy that you’re worth it. Dating is so exhausting, especially for women looking for real love and a life partner. You don’t need to prove your worth to any guy by giving him wifey perks before he proves he’s worth the effort. Remember that. You’re looking for a real man, not a player.