Drunk Dialing Your Ex & 12 Other Things You Do After A Breakup

Drunk Dialing Your Ex & 12 Other Things You Do After A Breakup ©iStock/Martin-dm

Often after a breakup, we face the worst pain and sadness and have to do do everything in our power to comfort ourselves, especially when ending things wasn’t our idea. Here are just a few things we do to get over the hump and feel like ourselves again, and not like a sad shell that’s going to be forever alone:

  1. Post inspirational/girl power quotes on Instagram. This first step is like clockwork. We hop on Pinterest, type in “post-breakup quotes”, put one on the ‘Gram, and rack up likes. This shows the world (or our 400 followers) that yes, we’ve been hurt, but we’ll bounce back.
  2. Take and post a hot selfie. Whether it’s the duck face, the closed mouth grin, or the boobalicious angle, a hot social media selfie is always a common move. We scope out a flattering filter, add a caption like “But now I know, I’m better sleeping on my own” and hit post. The likes always rack up and so does our confidence.
  3. Delete all photos of us and the ex. Now that we’re feeling sassy and empowered, it’s time to delete all evidence of the relationship. Profile pictures are changed, relationship status is updated and all photos of the two of us on vacation are deleted. This can be very emotional and hard, but so is looking back at the memories.
  4. Text our girls and have a wine and cry night. They’ll order pizzas and pick up three bottles of wine and we’ll bitch, cry and have a mini mental breakdown. They’ll be there for us every step of the way and we’ll feel so much better when we’ve done it.
  5. Call our girls and have a tequila and blackout night: GNO!!!! Let’s take three consecutive tequila shots and then go flirt with those guys over there. We’re looking hot and alcohol can numb the pain… until the next morning, that is, and it hurts to open our eyes.
  6. Sign up for Tinder. Why not? Swiping left and right can be fun. Look at all the matches we’re getting!
  7. Date some Tinder people, but leave most of them laughing and/or crying. Why did that guy order tea instead of a beer? Did he just ask us if he could impregnate us and then leave? WTF.
  8. Cut our hair. Or color it. Chopping off the locks and giving ourselves a new hairdo/identity can be empowering and comforting. Hair is something we can control, so why not control it?
  9. Drunk dial the ex. It’s a moment of weakness — it happens. However, it does nothing to benefit us and usually ends up making us feel super embarrassed more than anything else.
  10. Drunk dial the ex before this ex. When the first drunk dial doesn’t work, the ex before this ex seems like a good call to make. Maybe he was a jerk and super controlling, but it seems like a comforting idea to talk to him, right?
  11. Get a gym membership. Time to work on ourselves, ladies. “You are only one workout away from a good mood.” Or something.
  12. Get sad again. It happens. The memories can overtake us and bring us down. This is normal, and if we didn’t get sad about a relationship ending at some point, then we shouldn’t have been in a relationship with him, anyway.
  13. Have a realization that life does go on. It might take a week, it might take a few months, but it inevitably happens. We’ll find joy and happiness and that chapter of our lives will be over. Emotions sometimes feel like they could kill us, but I promise they don’t.
Shelby is a New England girl who loves mimosas, edamame, new bras, and her Yorkie, Jack.