Dudes, If You Won’t Even Bother Taking Me Out On A Date, You Definitely Won’t Be Getting Laid

Throughout my dating career, I’ve received my share of offers NSA arrangements from guys I’ve met. Call me old-fashioned, but I’d much rather do relationships with some dignity. While I have nothing against those who are comfortable with casual, it’s just not for me. If a guy’s not even willing to take me on a proper date, he certainly won’t be sleeping with me.

  1. Having sex means having feelings. I enjoy the fantasy of the one-night stand more than most, but it’s probably because I know it’ll never happen for me so it’s just that—a fantasy. I’ve tried to toy with the idea of doing that myself but if I’m ever faced with the actual possibility, I chicken out. I’ve only ever had sex with people I’ve had feelings for and I don’t want to lose that. I don’t want any regrets when it comes to something so serious and to me, sex is just that.
  2. I need the trust factor. Sex makes me feel very vulnerable and I have a hard time being that way around most people. To allow myself to jump into bed with just anyone, or even someone I only sort of know, is terrifying. To be able to feel comfortable in that setting and actually enjoy myself, I need to trust the person I’m getting naked with. I need a bit more time to reach that level of comfort.
  3. Honestly, I get attached. If I have no long-term plans with a guy, I know that sleeping with him is going to make it that much harder to keep things non-committal. I don’t feel that putting blame on them is right, so I need to do my part and not give into that temptation because I know very well where it can lead me. I’ll start to have expectations, no matter how clear the guy is about not having them. I have to be responsible to protect myself and my heart.
  4. I don’t want to get hurt. Maybe that’s the cynical side of me talking, but I simply don’t want to get my heart broken. I don’t think all guys are scum, by any means, but until I’m sure enough about someone, I don’t want to put myself in any position that getting bruised over a boy can happen. I want to save myself any drama and just take that out of the list of options. Once sex becomes a factor, that opens me up to devastation, so I just need to remove that factor completely.
  5. I worry about getting pregnant. Even with all of the advances in prevention, having a baby is not something I want unless I’m in a position to take care of it. At the very least, if I’m in a relationship I see going somewhere, I’d feel a lot better if I found myself with a child. Some might say my thoughts are extreme but this has always been a genuine fear of mine and kept me from losing my virginity too early. I value that about myself too much.
  6. STDs are real, no matter how safe you are. Just like with pregnancy, the risk of STDs is almost a scarier consequence that could come from having sex with the wrong person. I’ve been lucky so far, but when I’m in an intimate moment with someone, sometimes my desire to get laid overpowers my good judgment. The guy can tell me up and down he’s clean, but how do I really know? If I wait, I would hope the person I’m waiting for wouldn’t want to put me at risk.
  7. I’m looking for something real. I’m a hopeless romantic, I always have been, and I’ll look for the love of my life as long as I have to. I don’t want to sleep around in hopes of finding him, I want to hold out for the real deal. I’ve had sex with people that ended up not being my soulmate and I have no regrets, but I can say with certainty that I felt enough for them that I was willing to share that part of me with them. I’m picky and I will continue to be that way until the right person does eventually come along.
  8. I’ve discovered over the years that sex is always worth the wait. The primary reason I won’t sleep with someone casually is that it ends up being sort of anticlimactic—even if there is a climax! I may feel fine, the relationship may continue, but if I do it too soon, the act loses its magic for me. The longer I wait and the more emotional investment we both have completely ups the ante and makes the sex so much better. I love sex, I won’t deny it, but what I really love about it is the connection that is shared between myself and the person I’m engaging in it with. That will always overpower my carnal need.
jordan is a writer from salt lake city who enjoys a good steak, her dog, and conversations about how radiohead is awesome. she hopes to be a talking head on some VH1 pop-culture show someday and can curate a playlist for any occasion. when she grows up she wants to be an olsen twin.