I Dumped My Boyfriend For Cheating But Became Friends With His Mistress

I was devastated when my boyfriend of two years cheated on me, but then something strange and wonderful happened: I befriended his mistress and we actually have tons in common.

  1. My boyfriend was a terrible liar. I had a huge confrontation with my BF about his cheating after I found some other woman’s lingerie in his home—yeah, really original. He denied that he was with someone else but it was obvious that he was lying. Making this discovery just confirmed my gut feeling that something wasn’t right and he wasn’t being genuine.
  2. Someone else got involved. My ex and I stopped talking after I told him to go to hell and hung up, but it wasn’t over. That night, I got a call from an unknown number but I didn’t answer. The person left a message, telling me she was my ex’s partner and she wanted to speak to me about something important. I wasn’t going to waste my airtime by calling her and talking about that loser, so I sent her a text saying she was welcome to phone me the next day. I didn’t sleep that night.
  3. His side chick phoned back. I was expecting a kind of “the boy is mine” fight but was glad when the woman who called me again the next day came in peace. She told me she had been seeing my boyfriend for the last month and she wasn’t here to fight over him. She didn’t even know that she was his side chick and she certainly didn’t want to be with him anymore. That made two of us. She just wanted to talk and confirm her suspicions that he’d been dating me.
  4. It was tough to get the closure I wanted. On the one hand, it was a relief to hear from my ex’s actual side chick—it was clear confirmation of everything I myself had suspected for the last few weeks. But on the other hand, it was really difficult to face the truth that my ex was so terrible to me and I wasted so much time and energy on him.
  5. We ended up bonding. It was weird, but she and I bonded over the fact that the guy broke both of our hearts. It was also a nice feeling to know I wasn’t alone in this situation. She was pretty much going through the same thing. After that first conversation, I thought I’d never hear from her again, but then she called me a few days later.
  6. She wanted to be friends. I couldn’t help but wonder what she was going to tell me, but she just wanted to chat. She asked how I was doing after breaking things off with my ex and I asked how she was managing now that she’d dumped him too. We both were going through the same things, and it was a nice feeling to think that we both understood exactly where the other was coming from. When I expressed thoughts and feelings that my friends didn’t understand, she got them immediately! Our chats continued, and after a funny text conversation about what a loser our ex was, she asked me if I’d like to have coffee. I said yes. I was really starting to enjoy her company.
  7. She helped me stay sane. Although we had a great meeting and it was nice to finally put a face to her, I found that I was enjoying her company more than just because we had so much in common. It was because spending time with her and hashing out my feelings about my ex to someone who really understood what I was going through was therapeutic for me. She was helping me to stay sane after the devastating breakup. I don’t know what I would’ve done without her.
  8. She gave me closure. Hanging out with her gave me what my lousy ex hadn’t been able to give me: the ability to draw a line underneath my relationship with him and move on to something better. I got the strength to forget about my ex and realize that I was worthy of so much more. After all, his side chick was a great catch and yet he’d cheated on her. Who’s to say I wasn’t a catch too? We had both been mistreated by a loser and he was the only one who should’ve been feeling bad.
  9. When a relationship ends, a friendship begins. It was a blessing to lose my ex and gain a friend. It helped me feel that I wasn’t alone and there were still good people out there. But most importantly, it helped me to realize that I didn’t have to feel bad about what my ex had put me through. This sort of thing was happening to women every day all over the world, so why not me? The important thing was to learn and grow from it.
  10. We burned the past and walked away. After supporting each other through our breakups with that loser, which included making a bonfire to burn all the memories we had accumulated of him, we remained good friends. Over time, our friendship did fizzle a bit, but that’s OK. We were there for each other when we needed each other the most. Our friendship bloomed out of our failed relationships and it was like a bridge to our new lives.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.