If you’re painfully shy, you know how terrible it can be to find yourself in an uncomfortable social situation where you don’t know anyone. However, sometimes staying quiet and waiting for other people to talk to you can be more stressful than plucking up the courage to break the ice! With that in mind, here are 10 easy things you can talk about when you feel shy around new people (and why they work).
1. Compliment their hair/outfit/accessory/etc.
You can never go wrong by opening with a compliment! It’s a great icebreaker, so give someone kudos on something they’re wearing, their hair color, a colorful tattoo, etc. Go with whatever catches your eye. When they say thanks, you can ask a follow-up question like where they bought it/who the artist was who did their ink. It’s a great way to keep the convo going.
2. Ask about their job or what they’re passionate about.
People love to talk about themselves, so an easy conversational icebreaker is to ask them what career field they’re in. This is also easy because work is such a big part of our lives and people often define themselves by what they do. If you find that the person doesn’t want to talk about their work very much, you could ask them about their hobbies and passions instead. That might get them a bit more animated!
3. Invite them to share their story.
Instead of asking someone you don’t know how they are, which can feel generic, ask what their story is. This can be interpreted in different ways. One person might tell you about where they come from or their upbringing, while another might tell you something cool that’s going on in their life right now. See where it goes, but be genuinely interested in what they have to say. That’s the most important part of initiating conversations.
4. Connect over your mutual friends.
If you and the other person find yourselves at a party, chances are you have a common friend, even if it’s just the host. Ask them who they know at the party and take it from there. You could ask them how they met the person or how long they’ve known them. This chat could lead to you being introduced to other people who are there, expanding your conversation and keeping it going without much effort.
5. Talk about where you are.
Whether you’re at someone’s house for a birthday party or you’re at a hair salon, if you find yourself alone and feeling awkward, pay attention to your surroundings. Is there something unique about the place you could talk to someone about? Is there something cool/crazy that you just saw happen and you know someone else saw it too? Chat with them about it. What works in your favor is that you have this experience in common RN. You’re both in it, so talk about it.
6. Join in on a conversation already in progress.
If some people are already chatting about a certain topic you find interesting, you could try to jump in. Obviously, this comes with a few precautions. Never jump into someone’s conversation if you can see it’s private. Also, don’t be arrogant or rude about it by commenting on what the last person just said. It can be better to chuckle at something funny or say, “Sorry to interrupt, but I totally agree” or “I don’t want to intrude, but can I just tell you why I think the opposite?”
7. Comment on something they’re doing.
Maybe someone’s walking their cute dog in the park. There’s a conversation opener! After asking them about their pooch, ask them if they have other pets or talk about how you’re obsessed with your dogs. See how a simple question can lead to a full-blown conversation? Similarly, if you see someone holding a book, ask them if it’s good. You can make follow-up statements like how you’ve wanted to read it or you’ve heard good things about it.
8. Mention the food/drinks — everyone loves that!
If there’s food at the event, this is an easy way to break the ice with strangers. Everyone loves talking about food! So, you could ask someone if they’ve tried the shrimp and what they thought about it or if the cookies they’re eating are gluten-free. This can help you avoid feeling shy because you’re asking something specific. Hey, you’ve gotta eat, right? Might as well share the experience.
9. Use the event to your advantage.
Whatever type of event you’re at can help you find a question to ask a stranger. Keep it simple! If you’re at a sports event, ask someone next to you who they’re supporting and why. If you’re at a concert, ask the person if they’ve always been a fan of the artist/band. Use the fact that you’re both at the same event to your advantage.
10. Ask if they’re having fun.
If you’re flying solo for a while and feeling awkward, look for someone who’s in the same boat. Go over to them and ask them if they’re having a good time. It’s an easy way to open the conversation and see where it leads. Chances are if they’re alone, they’ll be relieved to have someone chatting to them so they don’t feel so weird.
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