15 Easy But Important Ways To Build Connection With The Person You’re Dating

When you start dating someone, things like chemistry and sparks can sometimes feel like they happen spontaneously without you having to do anything. But if you want to build a real, long-lasting connection with the person you’re dating, you’ll have to put in some effort. Note: You’re not going to build connection if you’re doing the same old stuff on dates — boring! Here are 15 ways to really bond with your new partner so that your relationship reaches new heights.

1. Be more spontaneous. Instead of planning all your dates, don’t be afraid to jump out of your comfort zone and try something different. Feel like heading to an exciting exhibit at your local art museum halfway through your date? In the mood for a walk through the city? Go do it! It’s fun, spontaneous things like this that make you have fun and bond about your adventures later.
2. Don’t forget to actually talk. While you want to have fun dates, you don’t want to put all your effort into having memorable dates filled with cool activities without actually talking. So, movie dates are great and all, but you’re not going to build a connection spontaneously while watching actors on the screen.
3. Do something you’ve never done. Have you both never gone horse riding but always wanted to? What about a cooking class if neither of you can even boil a pot of water? Doing things you both have never done before is a great way to bond and build a strong connection because you’ll be experiencing something completely new together.
4. Ban your phones. Seriously, if you’re both phubbing each other throughout the whole date, you’re not actually connecting or present during what’s supposed to be quality time to find your vibe. Keep your phone in your bag on silent, dammit! Being a good listener shows the other person you value them.
5. Open up. You can’t build a connection with someone if you’re not willing to be honest and open. An authentic connection won’t happen unless you’re both open to share your thoughts, fears, and dreams.
6. Keep an eye on your differences. Don’t be afraid of being different as you can still find some common ground. Laying out your differences early on will help you to suss out how you can compromise so you “get” each other. For example, if you’re introverted and he’s extroverted, you might have some challenges but you can find ways to work through them, which will bring you closer.
7. Laugh it up. Laughing together is an easy way to build a connection between two people. Research has found that humor is linked to having a sociable and agreeable personality, and men use humor to see if a woman’s interested in them. So, by sharing some laughs together, you’re showing that you’re likable while also showing the person you’re interested. Plus, sharing some inside jokes will enhance your bond.

1. Stare into their eyes (not creepily). An easy way to speed up the process of trying to build your connection? Look them in the eye! Maintaining eye contact during conversation helps you to be more open and vulnerable, especially if you’re talking about personal things. If you can’t make eye contact, or the other person keeps looking away, it can feel dodgy, or like one of you is hiding something.
2. Do thoughtful things. Showing the other person that you appreciate them in little ways can help you to show your love and make them feel loved. Write them a cute or flirty note, buy them their favorite coffee to help them start their day on the right footing, or surprise them with dinner.
3. Learn their love language. While you might love words of affection or PDA, this might not be how your partner shows love, so take some time to learn their love language. In case you don’t know, there are five different ways to express love: acts of service, physical touch, words of affirmation, gifts, and quality time.
4. Reach out to them during the day. While they might not want to chat every hour of the day, you can feel more connected with the person you’re dating by checking in with them every day. Of course, it’s essential to make the communication count and avoid boring, generic messages.
5. Create consistency. When you’re both reliable and consistent, this produces a good feeling for both of you. It also builds connection. If that reliable communication stops suddenly, you’ll notice and miss it — that’s how you know it was a sign that you were building a bond.
6. Add them to your speed dial. When something good or bad happens, reaching out to the person you’re dating to let them know about it is a show of trust and vulnerability. You’re opening your life and heart to them. It feels good to be the first name they scroll to on their phone because it shows you’re important to them and they’re making you a priority.
7. Touch them non-sexually. If things always turn sexual when you and your partner touch, you’re missing out on other types of intimacy. Physical touch, such as in the form of a hug, helps build a connection because it encourages the brain to release oxytocin, or “bonding chemicals.”
8. Set some mutual goals. Although you and your partner might not be at the relationship stage where you’re setting massive goals, like starting your own business or buying a house together, you can still set smaller goals. Having something to work towards together, and riding the highs and lows of the journey, will bring you closer.