Either I’m Obsessed With A Guy Or Completely Disinterested—There’s No In Between

I don’t often catch feelings for a guy, but when I do, it gets away from me and becomes an obsession. I don’t like to admit it, especially not publicly, but it’s true nonetheless. And when I don’t really feel that for a guy, he’s pretty much non-existent to me. I don’t really have an in-between when it comes to crushing on someone, and here’s why.

  1. My stalking skills are top notch. And that’s not a humblebrag. It’s actually terrifying how much I can find out about a person with only their first name and phone number. And when it’s a guy I’m into, I’ll spend precious time scrolling through his social media feeds and admiring how hot, funny, and adorable he is. If I was a private investigator by trade it would be an amazing skill to have, but since I’m not, it’s just scary.
  2. It happens so rarely. I think one of the reasons my crushes turn into obsessions is because I rarely have them. It takes a very particular kind of guy to spark that part of me because a) I’ve been single for so long and b) I downright enjoy rolling solo. When I do finally meet a guy worthy of my affections, all I can think about is him because it’s like a miracle is occurring before my very eyes.
  3. I have an overactive imagination. My mind never shuts off. And I mean never. So when I have a guy to think about, he swirls up into the tornado that is my thought process. It’s easy for me to sit back and daydream about what our life together would be like. I can sit and think about it for literally hours, only feeding the obsession even more.
  4. I know that eventually, my feelings will cool down. If I don’t completely love that sexy dress in the store, I’m going to like it even less when I take it home. If I’m not head-over-heels crazy about a guy right off the bat, chances are the more I get to know him and learn about the less-than-desirable qualities he may have, my feelings for him are only going to get less intense. So I enjoy the idealistic version of him while I still can.
  5. I’m an “all or nothing” kind of person. In every other aspect of my life, I either give 100 percent or nothing at all. So what would make crushing on a guy any different? I don’t do anything half-assed, and I won’t bother with things (or people) unless I’m blissfully into them. I don’t have a spectrum of emotions where I could kind of like him, because there’s no point to that. It’s all I’ve got or I’m all the way out.
  6. It’s not a creepy or dangerous kind of obsession. I won’t show up random places to try to run into my crush, nor will I text him off the hook professing my feelings for him. My obsession lives in my head, so I don’t see it as a huge problem for anyone else but me. If he ends up reciprocating those feelings, then we can both be obsessed together, and I don’t mind that one bit.
  7. It’s easier to fantasize about one than it is to date many. Part of the reason I get either obsessed or completely uninterested is because it’s just easier to fixate on one amazing guy than it is to date a few “meh” ones. I’m sure there are plenty of guys out there I could have a decent time with, but if my mind is occupied with that one special guy, I definitely won’t even have time to think about anyone else.
  8. I always have my eyes on the prize. I have goals in every aspect of my life, and one of them is finding a truly amazing guy and making room for him in my already full life. When a guy comes along and it seems like he could be that very guy, hell yeah I’m going to get overly excited. I don’t settle for less when it comes to anything, so when I find something or someone who’s worth it, I’m enthusiastic as hell.
  9. I’m extremely emotional. I feel everything deep down to my very core, no matter what. When I’m happy, I’m elated. When I’m sad, I’m depressed. And when I like someone, I’m pretty much in love. It’s just the way I’m wired, and I don’t see anything wrong with it. I’d rather feel everything as intensely as I do than struggle to feel anything at all.
  10. If it’s not amazing, why bother? I don’t always have an issue with the way I feel about my crushes because quite frankly, if I don’t become a little obsessed with a guy, than chances are he’s not the guy I’m meant to be with. I don’t have time to entertain guys I kind of like — I’m too busy living my life. That’s why even though getting overly into a guy right off the bat isn’t the greatest of ideas, I’m not really going to try to change the way I handle it.
Angelica Bottaro has a bachelor’s degree in Psychology from Trent University and an Advanced Diploma in Journalism from Centennial College. She began her career as a freelance writer in 2014, racking up bylines in The Good Men Project, MakeWell, LymeTime, YouQueen, and more. She eventually shifted her focus and began writing about mental health, nutrition, and chronic disease for VeryWell Health.

You can follow her on Facebook or check out her website at AngelicaBottaro.ca. She also posts on Instagram @a.ct._b and Twitter @angiiebee.