10 Signs Your Partner Has Never Been In An Emotionally Mature Relationship

You want an equal partner, someone who can meet you halfway and bring just as much to the table as you do. However, if you notice any of these signs, it’s clear they’ve never had an emotionally mature relationship in their life and probably aren’t capable of one now.

1. They don’t have a support system. One huge red flag is that your partner doesn’t have a solid set of friends, family, or professionals supporting them. This means they’re just sort of flapping in the wind, not running things by others to get input or feedback. This could result in poor decision-making or it could mean that they lean entirely on you to help make decisions.
2. Their communication blows. They don’t know how to effectively communicate when they’re upset with you. Instead, they’re passive-aggressive and avoidant. This is an indicator that they haven’t learned how to sit down and talk it out like an adult, so they obviously haven’t had a relationship where they’ve done so yet. This is unfortunate because communication is one of the most important parts of a relationship.
3. They deal with conflict ineffectively. It’s inevitable that you’re going to disagree on things from time to time. Most people can handle this and deal properly, but your partner handles conflict like a child. They do the equivalent of stomping their feet to get what they want. They refuse to see your point of view no matter how you say it. The inability to handle conflict is a bad sign because it means your problems are never going to really get resolved.
4. They play games. Especially in the beginning, emotionally immature people play games with others. They pretend they know what they want when they really don’t and they change their minds often. They do this because they’re insecure in themselves. This may even pop up later on in a relationship when they pretend to be fine when they’re really mad but want you to guess at what you supposedly did wrong. Games are popular with the emotionally immature.
5. They struggle to compromise. When it comes down to a disagreement and the two of you need to find common ground, they struggle to do so. It’s like they’re unable to compromise, instead only wanting to get their own way while disregarding how you feel. Struggling to meet in the middle is a big red flag that they’re wildly emotionally immature. You’re likely not going to get what you want and need from them. This is not what you want from an emotionally mature relationship.
6. They shut down or freak out at any sign of emotion. When you cry, they either freak out or totally shut down. They don’t have the emotional competence to handle emotions, be it theirs or another person’s. They also do the same when their own feelings creep through. They either go completely robotic or quickly turn their sadness into anger. Bad news.
7. They lack self-awareness. You find that they regularly talk over you or talk way too much. These are just some indicators that your partner isn’t self-aware. If they were in an emotionally mature relationship prior to yours, they’d have had practice in being aware of how they exist in the world and aware of how their actions impact others. Self-awareness is crucial when relating to another person.
8. They have an idealized picture of you in their mind. You always fail to meet their expectations because those expectations they have are quite grandiose. They think of you as the one who’s going to save them or the woman of their dreams. This may seem sweet at first glance, but it’s very problematic to be put on a pedestal. It means that you’re always going to fall short.
9. They keep score/hold grudges. A sure sign of an emotionally immature person is that they keep score when problems are had and they hold grudges moving forward. They don’t know how to let things go, which is a crucial aspect of being in partnership with another person. You’re only human and you’re going to make mistakes. You can’t have a partner who’s going to always hold things over your head.
10. They’re inconsiderate. This goes along with not being self-aware; they have no consideration for you. Maybe this means that they don’t tell you when they’re going to be late so you’re kept waiting like a fool. Or, perhaps they don’t go down on you half as much as you do them. Whatever way it shows up, they don’t consider your feelings when they take action (or don’t take action). It’s probably time to get out now and find someone who’s up to a more respectful and reciprocal relationship.