I Enjoyed Being Married, But Being Single Is So Much More Awesome

I Enjoyed Being Married, But Being Single Is So Much More Awesome ©iStock/CoffeeandMilk

I’ve been single again for about a year and I love it. While I enjoyed being married, at least in the beginning, I know now that being single fits me better than married life ever could. Of course, I wish I knew that before my parents dropped so much cash on an idyllic Paris wedding, but you live, you learn. Here’s why rolling solo again is so much better than I remembered:

  1. I’m free of commitment. I never cheated, nor would I ever, but sometimes I’d catch myself staring at my husband thinking, “Forever? Are you kidding me with this crap?” I like the idea of the being in it for the long haul, but executing it is a whole other game in which I’d rather not partake.
  2. I no longer have someone to check in with. Granted, I didn’t have to check in with my husband, but there was always this feeling of obligation when 2AM rolled around and I was out with my friends — especially when I had several missed calls or texts from him. Like, just let me do my thing and I’ll be home when I’m done doing my damn thing!
  3. I have no one to resent. I resented my husband for many things, especially his inability to get a damn job and be a functioning member of society. Now that I’m single again, I have no one to be angry with or resent. A life free of resentment feels amazing.
  4. I get to be a loner again. I’ve always been a loner. I like my space, I need lots of solo time, and disappearing for days without being able to be reached is my thing. But, when I was married, I didn’t have that luxury. Now that I’m single, I get to be my happy reclusive self again.
  5. I don’t have to hear “what’s wrong?” all the time. There were a lot of things wrong with our marriage, so this question came up a lot… even when there was nothing wrong. Like many people, I gave it the, “Oh, nothing” response. It was too exhausting to go into it and I couldn’t have given less of a f*ck most days, so why bother? I haven’t been asked that question in over a year — not just because I’m no longer with my husband, but because nothing is wrong.
  6. I get to enjoy first kisses again. OMG. The anticipation of kissing someone for the first time is, to be honest, one of the best things on earth. Even if the kiss ends up being a bust, the seconds leading up to it are fun and sexy and hot. I love that. I love first kisses. I could have first kisses forever, especially if those first kisses are with people who kiss fantastically well. Ah!
  7. I’m able to change direction. When I was married, my husband and I had a plan of how the next couple years were going to go. Of course, part of the reason the marriage came to an end was because he wasn’t into sticking to those plans, but now that I’m free of him, I’m also free to change course and do what I want. There will be no me moving to Paris to live with him and his kids; there will only be me making the right choices for me, my life, and my future. And, naturally, those choices will involve me traveling and having lots of first kisses.
  8. I don’t have to feel guilty about being selfish. I’m selfish. So what? Humans, in general, are selfish as hell, but very few will dare to admit to it. Whenever I was having a bratty, selfish moment in my marriage, I’d start to feel guilty, as if I wasn’t allowed those feelings, but those days are long gone. When I’m being selfish now, not an ounce of guilt follows.
  9. I get to focus on my career. For reasons, I’ll never understand, society has taught us that marriage is the most important thing in the world. I disagree. In my life, it’s my career, my freedom, and my dog. Without the dead weight of my husband and a marriage that was probably doomed from the start, I can really focus on my career. I don’t have to juggle the two in the hopes of not dropping one. I also get way more work done now and working keeps me sane. Well, relatively speaking, of course.
  10. I no longer have to fake it. I don’t have to take his feelings into consideration. I don’t have to pretend to like his family and friends. I don’t have to feign interest in what he says after a long day when I just want him to shut up. I no longer have to put on a mask and smile through gritted teeth. When I’m miserable now, I say so. I cry when I feel like it, and don’t have to worry about anyone asking me why. I’m free. I’m happy. I’m single and I absolutely love it. That’s not to say that marriage can’t be wonderful and fulfilling, but I just don’t think it’s for me. Honestly, I’ll probably never marry again.
Amanda Chatel is a sexual health, mental health, and wellness journalist with more than a decade of experience. Her work has been featured in Shape, Glamour, SELF, Harper's Bazaar, The Atlantic, Forbes, Elle, Mic, Men's Health and Bustle, where she was a lifestyle writer for seven years. In 2019, The League included Amanda in their "15 Inspirational Feminists Every Single Person Should Follow on Twitter" list.

Amanda has a bachelor's degree in English and master's degree in Creative Writing from the University of New Hampshire. She divides her time between NYC, Paris, and Barcelona.

You can follow her on Instagram @la_chatel or on Twitter @angrychatel.