How To Ensure Guys Don’t Just Use You For Sex

Unless you’re only into hooking up yourself, being relegated to booty call status sucks. Even if you’re into the guy, you know he’s only texting when he’s drunk, bored, or when things with another girl didn’t pan out. You’re better than that and you’re going to make sure it never happens again by doing these things.

  1. Don’t make yourself so available. I’m in no way blaming women for this situation, but I am saying that if you don’t make as much time for a dude, he’s less likely to make you a booty call. If a guy knows that no matter what time he calls or texts, you’re going to pick up and run to wherever he happens to be or let him come over no matter how late it is, you’re putting yourself in the position of being easily attained.
  2. Don’t play into his stupid games. He has no idea when your birthday is and he never asks you about your day, and yet he has zero qualms about asking you what you’re wearing and trying to get some sexting started. Nope. Put an end to it right there. If you reciprocate his sex talk and just accept that it’s all he cares about, you’re screwing yourself over. If he doesn’t give a damn about your day, he’s not worth talking to.
  3. Make him go out on dates with you. If he wants to have sex with you, he can at take you out on dates. Like, actual dates where you go outside, get some food, go to a museum, meet up with friends, maybe even take a dance class together. Sitting around at his apartment or yours watching Netflix before hooking up doesn’t count as a date—something you know and something he needs to learn. If he can start seeing you in a different context—for example, with your clothes on admiring a work of art at the MOMA—he might start to realize there’s more to you than just being his late-night lay.
  4. Tell him what you’re looking for. If you tell a guy you’re looking for a relationship and he tells you that he isn’t, that’s where it should end. You don’t start hooking up with someone who’s not interested in anything real when you definitely are. You might think that all this hooking up is leading you to a relationship, but it actually might be leading you to be his booty call. If you’re not on the same page in regards to what you want, just end it before it even starts.
  5. Change the power dynamics. As a human, you’re just naturally a sexual being. Because of this, why not make him the booty call? When he reaches out to you and you drop what you’re doing or, even worse, crawl out of bed to meet him in the middle of the night, he has all the power in the situation. The person with the power also has the upper hand, meaning they decide who’s what in the relationship. If you turn the tables on the power dynamic by ignoring him unless you want to get laid, then you’re in control.
  6. Be aware of how you’re presenting yourself. You might not realize it, but you actually might be conveying that you’re just looking for a casual hookup without even realizing it. Take a moment to check out if maybe you’re sending mixed singles subconsciously. He could be misreading you entirely or you could be putting something out there that’s being misconstrued. Again, I’m not blaming you, but pointing out that, well, dudes can be a bit slow on the uptake.
  7. Point out the obvious. If what you’re putting out there is pretty damn clear that you’re nobody’s booty call but the guy still can’t wrap his brain around it, it’s time to put your foot down and point out the obvious. If you enjoy having sex with him, tell him, but also tell him you enjoy have sex with him when you’re not being treated like you’re easily discarded.
  8. Turn off notifications on your phone after a certain time at night. If you don’t think you have the willpower to not pick up an incoming phone call or text from the dude who’s treating you like a booty call, turn on your “do not disturb” option on your phone. That way, you won’t be tempted to pick up your phone at 4 a.m. on a Thursday. If turning on “do not disturb” is a little too much of a commitment, turn off the notifications specifically for him every night before you go to bed.
  9. Block him. If it gets to the point that all your attempts to not be a booty call aren’t working and the guy is still hitting you up at all hours of the night, it’s time to block him for good. Don’t just delete his number, block it. It really is that simple.
  10. Know your worth. Ultimately, it comes down to knowing what you deserve. That being said, if you know you’re better than being someone’s booty call—and let’s be clear, you definitely are —you’ll be more likely to avoid finding yourself in such a scenario because you won’t allow yourself to be put in such situations. If you see something evolving into a booty call situation, you’ll detect it right away and nip it in the bud.
Amanda Chatel is a sexual health, mental health, and wellness journalist with more than a decade of experience. Her work has been featured in Shape, Glamour, SELF, Harper's Bazaar, The Atlantic, Forbes, Elle, Mic, Men's Health and Bustle, where she was a lifestyle writer for seven years. In 2019, The League included Amanda in their "15 Inspirational Feminists Every Single Person Should Follow on Twitter" list.

Amanda has a bachelor's degree in English and master's degree in Creative Writing from the University of New Hampshire. She divides her time between NYC, Paris, and Barcelona.

You can follow her on Instagram @la_chatel or on Twitter @angrychatel.