10 Ways To Ensure your Relationship Lasts Through The Holidays

Even though they’re supposed to be relaxing and joyful, the holidays can often feel like running a marathon you haven’t trained for. By the end, you’re exhausted and never, ever want to go through it again. If you’re in a relationship, these issues can be particularly treacherous, but there are some tips you can use to get through to the other side.

  1. Take some time to yourself. The holidays are about spending time with loved ones, but not to the breaking point. You can’t expect yourself to be a social butterfly 24/7 even if you’re a naturally outgoing person. Taking time to yourself will allow you to recharge and take stock of your emotions. Even though it may seem selfish, it will make you a much nicer and more entertaining person to be around.
  2. Set aside one-on-one time with your partner. It’s easy to get caught up in all the gatherings over the holidays and realize by the end of it that you and your partner are practically strangers. It’s important to remember that just because you’re going to events together doesn’t mean you’re actually spending quality time together. Make room in your schedule for some alone time with your significant other, and don’t feel bad about skipping a few parties here and there if necessary.
  3. Avoid adding financial stress to the mix. There’s a lot of pressure to give extravagant gifts during the holidays, but the consequences of doing this can outweigh how good it feels to be generous. Figure out how much you can afford to spend and don’t exceed that number no matter how carried away you are by holiday cheer and generosity.
  4. Be selfish. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, be selfish. Tell your partner what you need from them and make sure they follow through. If you need to skip a family gathering in order to retain your sanity, skip it. If you need to spend time away from your partner for a few hours just to take a breath, do it. Sometimes being selfish is the only way to keep your relationship running smoothly.
  5. Lower your expectations. Not every relationship undergoes momentous change during the holidays. While you may be hoping something big will happen, don’t push for an engagement or a pregnancy or a breakup just because it feels like everyone else is doing it Focus on getting through to 2020, and then take stock of how you want things to progress.
  6. Anticipate arguing. Arguing over the holidays is inevitable, so you might as well be prepared. Before the chaos of the season’s schedule gets underway, have a talk with your partner and establish an understanding that while you will inevitably fight, you both understand that it comes from mutual stress. Once all the family and friend commitments are over, you can revisit the arguments you had and decide whether or not they had any significance beyond being exhausted and overstretched.
  7. Make it yours. There are no rules for how you’re supposed to spend the holidays, except the ones that you impose on yourself. Don’t be afraid to think outside the box and make the time whatever you want it to be. No one is forcing you to exchange presents or visit your family or participate at all. Opt out of all of it if you want to, or create an entirely new set of holiday traditions.
  8. Don’t make any decisions about your relationship, positive or otherwise. In other words, don’t get engaged, don’t break up, and don’t do anything in between. Any decisions you make during the emotionally heightened holidays will be just as well considered as decisions you make when you’re five drinks into a night of partying. No matter how certain you feel, wait until you’ve had some time to decompress after the New Year to commit to your decision.
  9. Plan what you can. During the holidays, chaos reigns supreme. The meal you’re cooking will crumble into disaster, someone will get stuck at an airport hundreds of miles away, and someone’s child will stick a fork into a light socket. You can’t orchestrate everything, but you can make plans for how to deal with the unpredictability. Instead of trying to micromanage your and others’ itineraries, plan your coping mechanisms. You’ll need them.
  10. You don’t have to be happy. The expectations for the holiday season can be crushing. No one can live up to the picture-perfect idea of the blissful couple toasting over a holiday well spent with family and friends. You don’t have to love the holidays. You don’t have to be full of joy. If you’re feeling low, don’t try to hide it. Chances are, someone around you is feeling the same, and being able to acknowledge each other and feel less guilty about your perfectly reasonable discontent will help you both get through it.

 

Rose Nolan is a writer and editor from Austin, TX who focuses on all things female and fabulous. She has a Bachelor of Arts in Theater from the University of Surrey and a Master's Degree in Law from the University of Law. She’s been writing professional since 2015 and, in addition to her work for Bolde, she’s also written for Ranker and Mashed. She's published articles on topics ranging from travel, higher education, women's lifestyle, law, food, celebrities, and more.
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