What Every Girl Who’s Struggling To Find Love In This Crazy Hook-Up-Focused World Needs To Remember

Finding someone to have sex with is easy if that’s all you’re looking for, but what if you crave a deeper connection, or at the very least something will last longer than one night? It might not happen today, or tomorrow, but it will happen, so don’t lose hope, and keep these things in mind:

  1. It’s not you — really. You’re probably guilty of wondering whether you’re just fundamentally un-dateable in some way. Shutting those thoughts down may be easier said than done, but try to remember that everyone gets frustrated with dating once in a while. Just because you haven’t found The One just yet doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you — it just means you’re willing to wait for the real thing.
  2. Your bad experiences don’t foreshadow your future. Even if it seems like you’ve had all the bad luck in the world when it comes to love, all it takes is one guy (aka the right guy) to turn it all around. You’ll get your moment — you just have to be patient.
  3. There are plenty of great guys in the world to go around. Women are always saying that all the decent guys are either taken or gay. While that might be your experience so far, there are still quite a few single guys left in the world that you just haven’t had the pleasure of meeting, so don’t give up yet.
  4. You aren’t being unreasonable for wanting what you want. Just because everyone else seems to be fine with hooking up doesn’t mean you have to follow the crowd. If you want something more, it’s absolutely OK to hold out for it. In fact, you should hold out for it.
  5. It’s important to appreciate what you do have. For some people, love is that majestic unicorn that always seems to be just out of reach, and it’s only human to want what you don’t have. But if love is the only thing you’re missing right now, you have it pretty good. Spend more time being grateful for what’s going right in your life, and you’ll be surprised how little time you have left to obsess over the things you can’t control.
  6. Everyone has a different path. It can be incredibly frustrating to be the only single person left in your friend network, but comparing your love life to other people’s isn’t going to make you feel any better. Sure, it isn’t fair that your best friend met the love of her life in college and hasn’t even considered being with anyone else since, while you have to go on bad date after bad date just to find a guy who is looking for more than a one-night stand, but guess what? Life isn’t fair. Deal with it.
  7. Settling for good enough won’t make you happy, anyway. It’s only natural to think lowering your standards might bring your single era to an end because it’s true — if you were willing to date just about anyone, you probably wouldn’t be single right now. But you’re entitled to your dealbreakers and you have them for a reason. The goal isn’t to be in a relationship for the sake of being in a relationship — it’s to be with someone because you genuinely want to be.
  8. You can be happy on your own. The only thing stopping your from enjoying your freedom as a single woman is your fixation on finding a boyfriend. Even the most perfect boyfriend you could ever imagine isn’t going to complete you and guarantee your lifelong happiness. Love can only do so much. It’s up to you to do the rest.
  9. It’s fine if online dating and using apps to meet people isn’t your thing. It probably seems like if you’re single, you really have no choice but to online dating if you want to find love. But no one’s holding a gun to your head, and it is still possible to meet people in real life. It might take a little more effort on your part to be aware of your surroundings, but how could that possibly be a bad thing, anyway?
  10. There’s no time limit on finding love. So it’s taking you a little longer than you expected to find the guy of your dreams. Luckily, there’s no deadline for falling in love or limit on the number of times or different ways it can happen. Besides, half the people you know who are in “happy” relationships right now will be single within the next five years anyway. Not many things last forever, so you might as well enjoy what you have while you have it.
By day, Courtney is a digital marketing copywriter living in Toronto, Canada. By night, she's a freelance lifestyle writer who, in addition to Bolde.com, contributes regularly to AmongMen.ca, IN Magazine, and SheBlogs Canada. Want to chat about relationships, Stephen King or your favorite true crime podcast/documentary/book? She's on Twitter @courtooo.