Nothing is more exciting than having a new crush. It doesn’t matter how old or experienced you are — the first time he texts you is downright exhilarating. Your heart skips a beat and you try your best to remain cool even though your mind is going a million miles a second. You’re confident and independent, but you still overthink this kind of stuff. In fact, you probably have all of these thoughts when a guy asks, “What are you doing this weekend?”
- “It’s happening.” He’s finally seen the light and realized you’re meant to be together — took him long enough. You wonder where he’ll take you. You had Chinese food last weekend and really don’t need any more orange chicken in your system. You could see a movie, but there’s nothing good out except “Sully,” and you’ve already seen that three times. Would four be excessive? Whatever. All that matters is that you’re about to become the next Brangelina — pre-2016, of course.
- “I need my tribe’s advice.” Screenshot! Naturally, you have to tell your friends about this. I mean, you’re already analyzing this text to pieces, so you might as well do it with your squad via group chat. What, are you supposed to text him back without getting their advice? What are best friends for if not helping you construct the perfect reply?
- “I’ll wait to text him.” How long should you wait to text him? You don’t know all the dating rules, but you’re pretty sure you’re not supposed to respond immediately — at least that was the thing in high school (clearly you’ve been out of the game a while). You don’t want to look too eager but you also don’t want him to think you’re purposely waiting to text him, so… ten minutes? You can’t deal; that’s too long. Just wait five and go for it.
- “He might just want to hook up.” You don’t know what his intentions are yet! He might just be trying to hook up. Should you ask him? It’s probably too soon, considering you haven’t even had a first date yet. You really hope he’s not just looking for something casual. You’re not trying to get married or anything, but a real relationship would be nice. Being single and ready to mingle sucks, especially with guys who are trying to mingle with everyone.
- “Maybe it’s not what I think.” Ya know what? He’s probably just texting you to be nice, or maybe he got the wrong number. He might be interested in your friend and he’s trying to figure out her weekend plans through you. Yeah, that’s probably it. There’s a chance he could be some sort of stalker who has pictures of you all over his bedroom wall… Nah, he’s too gorgeous to be nuts.
- “I’ll say I’m busy.” What should you say? You read somewhere that you’re never supposed to accept a guy’s first invitation. You’ll say you’re busy, but what should you say you’re doing? You could tell him you have another date this weekend… No, that’s awful and a complete lie. You don’t have crap to do this weekend but you don’t want him to know how anti-social you are (at least not yet). You could tell him you’re babysitting… people still use that as an excuse, right?
- “I always knew he liked me!” According to your friends, he’s definitely going to ask you out. Hell yeah! Wait, what do they know? They’re single AF… no offense. Maybe you should ask your friends who are married or in relationships… if only you didn’t hate them all. He has to be interested in you! You’re super flirty and you catch him looking at you all the time! He likes you and you like him. It’s time to put on your big girl pants and go out with this guy.
- “This is honestly too stressful.” Talk about drama! Could you be thinking any more about this? The last time you considered this many possibilities was when you took calculus in high school. Thinking sucks, and you don’t want to have to do this whenever a guy texts you. You don’t think you should date anyone right now. Maybe in a few years when you’re more stable… yeah, you’ll just ignore him. Good plan.
- “Ugh I’ll just text him.” Crap! Has too much time passed? It’s been like 30 minutes, he’s definitely going to think you’re playing games. You’ll just text him tomorrow. Would it be weird if you replied a day later? Yeah, it would, so you’ll just text him back now. Deep breath. Say something cool and make yourself sound available but not TOO available. Okay, you’ll just say, “Nothing planned, WBU?” Sent. Oh, what a time to be alive!
- “I don’t need this guy.” He hasn’t texted back! What could he possibly be doing that’s hindering him from replying to you? Ya know what, you’ve been just fine without this guy for the last 20 or so years — you don’t care if you ever hear from him again. Honestly, he’s the one who should be stressing out. Excluding this minor freak out, you’re a pretty confident person — he needs to try a little harder if he wants to get on your good side. You couldn’t care less how good-looking he is! Eeek — nevermind, he just texted you back.
