In dating, I’m always wondering about where something may lead. Is this date going to turn into a second? How about 10 more? Will we be in a relationship? My head sort of goes wild and I’m unable to rein it back in or just enjoy the moment. Ugh.
- I have a hard time staying present. My head is in the clouds, thinking about our wedding when I’ve just finished the second date. I have a hard time grounding myself in the here and now when I’m always fantasizing about my hopes to come. Some simple fact-checking is helpful with this—like, I don’t even know this person yet and I have no idea what’s going to happen next. These exercises help ground me a bit in the here and now.
- I just want to be done with dating. Part of the reason why I dream so much about the future is that I just want to be finished with the whole dating process. I want to find a long-term lover and be done with the constant swiping or looking around in real life for someone. That’s not how it works, though, so my getting carried away is only harming me when I really have to wait a while longer.
- I try to predict the future. I end up wondering if this is going to be the person who ends my dating career. I dream about future dates, what it’ll look like when we meet each other’s friends, and what our future relationship will be like. Sometimes I do this all before even going on one date with a person.
- I think everyone is “The One.” I dream about finding “The One” because I just want someone to be it for me. Like I said, I want to be done dating and just find the person that I spend years with, if not the rest of my life. Call me a hopeless romantic but I can’t help it. I’m constantly looking out for my person.
- I get all excited about their positive attributes. I almost blow their positive attributes up to be bigger than they are. I get very excited that someone wants a relationship (because I find so many people who don’t) that I miss that we’re not even compatible. I also can get super excited that someone shares a core value with me, like the fact that they’re also sober. Then I get to dreaming about our sober future together.
- Sometimes I miss the person right in front of me. Since I’m focusing so much on all of the good and exciting things about a new person, I sometimes miss the negative attributes or red flags. My head is so much in the clouds that I miss out on the reality sitting right in front of me. For example, one of my dealbreakers is someone who doesn’t like to text but I gave someone a chance anyways who didn’t like to text. I was so excited about him otherwise but it ended up not working out.
- I end up telling all of my friends about someone brand new. This is a habit I’d really like to break because it just ends in pain. I go around telling my friends all about this new person when we’ve gone on a single date. Then, when it doesn’t work out, I’m stuck with all of my friends asking me, “How’s that person? How did it go?” when I really don’t want to talk about it. I’m learning to rein it in and only talk to very close friends about new dates rather than shouting it to the world.
- Sometimes I take “listening to my intuition” to an extreme. Sure, it’s very important to listen to my intuition. It does tell me many things, like who’s wrong for me. However, it doesn’t tell me things like the fact that the other person wants something different from me. So instead I get all carried away and I mistake the new flame high for my intuition. I’m learning that the lovey-dovey feelings in my body are not a sign from the universe that we’re meant to be. Whoops.
- What even is a hopeless romantic? I might be one. I don’t like the word “hopeless” so much but I like the sentiment of someone who’s relentlessly looking for love. That about sums me up and may explain why I do so much dreaming about love and relationships. I’m okay with being a hopeless romantic—it’s kind of sweet.
- All I’m looking for is a nice relationship. Ultimately, what I want is to find my person and a nice relationship with said person. That’s it, though it seems to be way harder to accomplish than one would think. So, in the meantime, while I’m searching for that person, I’m kissing my frogs along the way and dreaming of better things.
