Every Time I Date Someone, Everything Falls Apart In An Instant

I don’t get it. Everything is fine with the guy I’m dating one minute, then there’s some weird little fight or disagreement and suddenly we’re done. WTF? I don’t know if this is normal or if I’m just really bad at relationships. Here’s how things disintegrate into chaos before I even know what to do:

  1. Things begin well enough but then they crumble. I always feel like everything’s fine, and then there’s some small issue. I address it and explain how I feel, and suddenly it’s like the world has ended. The guy decides that because I’m upset about one little incident, he can’t possibly make me happy and we should just call it quits immediately. Seriously? Dramatic much? I don’t know why it turns into such a nightmare.
  2. It happens so fast that I can’t control it. Yes, I’m a control freak, and I know this. I don’t like feeling helpless, and nothing feels more helpless than someone you’re dating suddenly determining that the two of you shouldn’t be together anymore. I have a voice and I deserve input, dammit! It’s a load of BS. I don’t like having things decided for me.
  3. It’s always because of something seemingly simple. Yes, sometimes that simple thing is preceded by many similar incidents that caused frustration. I won’t lie and say that it’s always completely out of nowhere, but usually something small brings up larger issues. Sometimes I’ll think we’re talking about one thing only to be blindsided by a guy giving me an ultimatum about something else.
  4. Suddenly all these unspoken issues surface. The worst thing about dating guys who don’t communicate well is that I often have no idea how they’re feeling until they let it build up and spill out all at once. I think things are going okay and then suddenly they aren’t. Even if the issue is on my end, I’m often surprised by how they react to it. What, did they think dating was always going to be smooth sailing?
  5. Somehow a small tiff always becomes something unsalvageable. It blows up into something bigger before I even know what’s happening and suddenly we’re having “the talk” and parting ways. I hardly get a chance to catch my breath before it’s all done. All that work and all that time spent together thrown away like it’s nothing. This is why I don’t date very much — it’s depressing.
  6. I try to talk it out and that never works. I’m pretty good at debating issues, but apparently, I date some very stubborn men. Maybe they’re right and I should just let things go. I always believe that we’ll be able to work it out, but I suppose that makes me sort of a fool. If they aren’t willing to talk it out, I already have my answer. I should have more dignity but I don’t want to lose my relationship.
  7. The guys I date are quite willing to let me go quickly and easily when there’s trouble. It’s extremely disheartening. Even when I think I’ve chosen someone who’s different, this stuff happens. It’s worse in that case because I have no idea it’s coming. I think things are great, and then there’s a bump in the road that turns into a sinkhole. It makes me feel betrayed and tricked — I don’t know why these guys even bother pretending.
  8. I think they’re all so wonderful, but soon enough I discover problems that torpedo everything. It doesn’t take long for a guy to sorely disappoint me. It sucks. I try to look for what I want and every time I think I find it, I’m somehow dead wrong. It’s enough to make me swear off dating entirely. I start noticing red flags, and even if they don’t seem that bad, then they start mounting up.
  9. I somehow keep picking all the same kinds of guys and it always ends the same way. It makes me really sad. I think a guy is different, then I get to know him a little and figure out he has all the same issues that my past boyfriends do. How is it that even when I think I’m picking someone who’s the opposite, I’m making all the same mistakes? I’m fairly confident in life but this makes me extremely unsure about my taste in men. I’m excited and then disappointed all in one fell swoop.
  10. I don’t want things to go so horribly wrong but I don’t know what to do. It’s not like I plan for this to happen. I’d like nothing more than to find a wonderful guy who appreciates me and puts some effort into being with me. I don’t ask for a lot. Every time I think I’ve found him, though, I’m wrong, so I’m clearly terrible at dating. My only viable solution to keep my sanity seems to be to opt out of dating entirely. I don’t know what else to do at this point.
A former actress who has always loved the art of the written word, Amy is excited to be here sharing her stories! She just completed her first novel, and is also a contributor for Elite Daily, Dirty & Thirty, and Thought Catalog. Amy is the founder of What If Journey and can be found on Twitter @amyhorton18. You can also visit her website at amyhorton.net.