Don’t get me wrong, I don’t spew my entire life story whenever I meet someone. Rather, I share what I feel I need to share with who I need to share it with. The thing is that it’s probably more than your average person. I’m willing to bring the good and the bad and not filter myself too much. This may freak some people out, but it’ll keep the right ones around.
I need to be honest. I’m the type of person where I just can’t stand being dishonest. It like physically hurts me. Instead, I feel the need to be pretty transparent. So, I’m super honest in relationships and even with someone early on in dating. This doesn’t mean, though, that I have no filter whatsoever because I definitely do. It’s just that I’m willing to be vulnerable enough to put myself out there.
In the past, I’ve tried to be someone I wasn’t. I used to hold all of my stuff in and try to act like this perfect person in dating. I did things that weren’t even like me and that I didn’t even want to do. I was trying to be someone I wasn’t to attract someone. This was a very sad way to date because I was hiding away my real self. In all honesty, I don’t know if I even knew who my real self was. Now instead of hiding away parts of myself, I let almost all of it out. I don’t care.
I think sharing and oversharing is relative. To some people, what I share would be way over the top and not appropriate for them. Just as my sharing differs from others who I wouldn’t want to be like. It’s all relative. It doesn’t mean that one kind of sharing is good and another is bad, it just means that people do what they need to do. I share and maybe overshare because I find it builds greater intimacy.
I have a lot of things I need and want to say. There’s a ton I want to share with a prospective lover. Much has happened to me in my life and I want to share about many of those experiences. Further than wanting to say these things, I feel like I need to say them. It doesn’t sit well with me if I hold them in. It feels like I just need to let them out in order to be honest with the other person.
I’m comfortable with sharing these things. A lot of people wouldn’t be comfortable with sharing half of the things I do like I happily share on the first date that I’m a recovering alcoholic. I’m glad to share, though. I find much more comfort in sharing a bunch of stuff than holding it back. I’m even comfortable (or at least willing) to share the stuff that isn’t so sexy like the consequences of my mental health problems.
I might as well let people know what they’re signing up for. I have my quirks and parts about me that may scare some people off. For example, I’m a raging feminist who only dates other feminists. This is a big deal, so it’s good that I let people know right off the bat what they’re signing up for. Otherwise, they may find out down the road and be surprised. It could be a deal breaker later. So, I’d rather let them know ASAP.
If they don’t like it, good riddance. There are going to be plenty of people who don’t like what I have to say. They’re going to be weirded out or plain old scared away. This is all totally cool. It’s like my honesty is a perfect filter for those who’d never be good for me anyways. I can actually be grateful for it because otherwise, I may have been with someone a while, then have them find out and it’s a mess. This way I say bye bye sooner to those who aren’t a match.
It’s a magnet for people who are good for me. Just as my honesty weeds out people, it also magnetizes them towards me. I have things on my Tinder profile like “sober” and this is wildly attractive for those who are into that sort of thing. It even attracts those who don’t mind, but either way, it’s attracting people who are good matches for me. I’m happy with the way it brings those I could potentially like right to me.
Vulnerability is sexy anyway. I’ve found that the right people find vulnerability to be incredibly sexy. It’s someone willing to be their whole selves, I mean what’s hotter than that?! I don’t do it because it’s sexy, but this is certainly a bonus to being straightforward.
It’s taken awhile for me to get to a point of not caring. I didn’t get to this point overnight. It wasn’t that I’ve always had a don’t care attitude and have let things roll off my back. Instead, I used to really care what others think. It’s been a gradual process towards being willing to be very honest, no matter what. I’d say it’s all been totally worth it, though.
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