My Ex Gave Me An Engagement Ring That Belonged To His Ex

Getting engaged isn’t supposed to be all about the rock you get to wear on your finger, but feeling that you and your partner are starting an exciting new phase of your relationship. When my boyfriend proposed, I was thrilled… until I realized there was something seriously wrong with the ring.

1. Jewelry is filled with emotions. It’s a huge misconception that jewelry is just metal and sparkly diamonds; for me, it’s always been strongly tied to emotions. Jewelry is so personal, and this is especially the case with engagement rings. They become a part of your hand and link to your relationship and future goals. Someday, they’ll even remind you of your younger years. That’s probably why they’re so powerful when they get passed down through generations.
2. I don’t keep jewelry from exes. I feel so strongly about jewelry being personal that I always donate pieces that guys have given me after we break up to charity. I just can’t bear the thought of wearing something that’s linked to a person I no longer love, whether it’s a ring, earrings, or necklace.
3. My ex knew how I felt and gave it to me anyway. He knew that I feel a spiritual and emotional connection to jewelry and he knew that I wouldn’t wear things my exes had given me. That’s why it was so surprising when he gave me an engagement ring with a cluster diamond that he pretended was new but definitely wasn’t.
4. To add insult to injury, it looked used. Although it was shiny and sparkly, the ring looked like it had been worn before and there was a tiny scratch on the platinum band. Even though I knew no piece of jewelry was going to be perfect, my gut was screaming at me that something was up with this ring. I asked him about it and he said he got the ring online and it had previously belonged to someone else. It wasn’t until later that he admitted that it had actually belonged to his ex-girlfriend—and he was the one who’d given it to her!
5. He acted like it was no big deal. I was in shock when he admitted that he gave me his ex’s ring, but he tried to assuage me by saying that she’d only worn it for a couple of weeks before they broke up and that she was totally cool with giving it back because she knew it wasn’t right for her to keep it. To be honest, I wish she’d held onto the thing!
6. He made me feel cheap and easily replaceable. Because he’d bought this ring for his ex, with her in mind, the fact that he passed it onto me when things didn’t work out between them was really obnoxious and pretty hurtful. It’s as though he thought we were the same people with the same style and personality. We even shared the same ring size. Gosh, how convenient. It was all too creepy to bear.
7. I didn’t want to write my story over hers. I felt like I was taking on all their previous memories and experiences by wearing the ring; I was trying to rewrite my story over a story that already was on the page. No matter how much I tried to focus on my relationship and see this ring as being a clean slate, I just couldn’t do it. I felt like a fraud but I still tried. However, when anyone complimented me on it, I felt empty and kind of sad. I wanted to take the thing off and never put it back on again.
8. My boyfriend didn’t get why I was so upset. My BF kept telling me that he loved me and wanted me to have the ring because it was a symbol of our future, but he just didn’t seem to understand how inappropriate it was to let two women wear the same ring. I was so sick of him not being able to see the situation from my perspective that anger replaced my feelings of guilt.
9. This was supposed to be about me. Not to sound like a drama queen or anything, but I was the one who had to wear the ring, so I should have felt good and happy about it? To him it was just a pretty ring that looked amazing on my hand, but to me it was so much more than that.
10. It was the end of our relationship. We often argued about the ring, which I’d stopped wearing altogether not long after we got engaged. He thought I was crazy for not wanting such a beautiful piece of jewelry and I thought he was really insensitive. Where was the feeling of joy and commitment? The ring, which was supposed to be a symbol of our exciting life together, had become proof of how we were totally wrong for each other. Sometimes, even now, I can’t help but think that the ring is sitting pretty on his new girlfriend’s finger. It gives me shivers.