We’ve all dated lazy guys before, but my ex-boyfriend took it to the next level to the point that his laid-back attitude was almost comical. It’s funny now, but back then, not so much.
He was literally always sleeping.
In his defense, he had a health condition that caused him to be tired way more often than the average twentysomething. However, he constantly used it as an excuse for his unacceptable behavior. We were in a long-distance relationship, so I would drive hours to spend time with him and he would barely get out of bed so we could actually do things together.
When he wasn’t sleeping, he might as well have been.
On the rare occasions that he was actually awake, he never really wanted to do anything fun. He never made any plans for us when I traveled to see him and when I’d suggest something, he would either sigh and reluctantly agree as if taking me on a date was the most inconvenient thing he could ever be burdened with or he would stay silent and just shrug, basically telling me that it wasn’t happening at all. He was a real Prince Charming, let me tell you.
His lack of enthusiasm in general was actually exhausting.
He never wanted to go anywhere, he was hardly awake, and he was as emotionless as an ice cube. I would go out of my way to do thoughtful things for him just to get a reaction and I was lucky if I got a lackluster smile out of him. It was like nothing could make him happy and even if it did, he completely refused to express it to me. I actually started to believe that he did it on purpose just to be mean.
He made me feel guilty for wanting more from him.
Any time I tried to confront him about my feelings, he would make me feel terrible for expecting even the smallest of actions from him on account of all of the stressors in his life. It was like he thought he was the only person on earth dealing with hardships and deserved more slack than anyone else because of it. He would make me feel selfish and wrong for even bringing up my feelings and that’s so not OK.
What was I thinking? I honestly don’t know.
At this point, you might be wondering what the hell was going through my head that I would willingly stay in a relationship like that. Well, it was complicated. For one, I truly thought I was in love with this guy. Looking back now with a clear head, I know now that I was just confused. I also didn’t want to seem like a terrible person because I was impatient with the things he struggled with. He was always tired and he had anxiety and I didn’t want it to seem like I was trying to make him feel bad for things that were out of his control. However, nothing excused the way he treated me and I see that now.
Once it ended, it was a weight off my chest.
After we finally and inevitably broke up, it hurt but ultimately, it was like a weight had been lifted off of my chest. I was finally free from the emotional burden of dating someone who made me feel guilty for wanting things from my relationship and I saw how bad the relationship was so clearly once it was over. I was blinded to it while I was in it and didn’t see how much emotional damage he was actually doing.
I need someone who meets me halfway.
I’m not asking for grand gestures (although they’re always appreciated), I’m just looking for someone who puts in the same amount of effort that I put in. Relationships can’t be completely one-sided. You can try to hold it up on your own for a while, but sooner or later, your arms are going to get too tired to carry it and you’ll have to let go and realize that you deserve so much more than a partner who doesn’t even try for you.
I learned what to expect from future relationships.
If anything, this was just another learning experience in the tricky, winding road of love. I now know that I won’t accept a lover who can’t even be bothered to make me feel special and appreciated. A little enthusiasm and romance are never asking too much from someone because it doesn’t take much on their part. Honestly, if they really care about you, you won’t even need to ask, they’ll want to do those things for you. If it takes dating a few losers to find my prince, I’m willing to kiss a few frogs, if you know what I mean.
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