We broke up because we decided the spark had gone. It sounds silly, but we just didn’t have much in common anymore. Little did I know my ex had been up to no good when we were together. Ignorance is bliss, but he didn’t want to keep things that way forever—he wanted to come clean about what he’d done. While that might sound honorable, it actually was pretty sucky. Here’s what happened.
He came crawling back.
About a month after our breakup, my ex came back into my life to say “What’s up?” How annoying. We chatted for a bit because we hadn’t ended things on bad terms, but then he dropped a bomb into our casual conversation.
He told me he’d cheated on me.
He said the reason why we’d split up was that he’d found someone else. Wait, what? As far as I was concerned, our breakup came down to growing apart. Was that not the case?
He had a whole other relationship behind my back.
It wasn’t a one-time thing, though that would’ve been bad enough. He’d actually been dating someone else for two months in our relationship! I consider myself a pretty perceptive person, but I had no idea this was going on.
It felt like it had just happened.
Although I was well over my ex by that point and I moved on ages ago, hearing this news made me feel like we were still together. It felt like I was being cheated on now. I was shocked and asked him why he wanted to tell me this when we weren’t together anymore.
He said he couldn’t carry the secret anymore.
I’m glad he felt better by telling me what he’d been up to when we were together, but frankly, I wish he kept that little fact to himself. I found it hilarious that he was all about clearing his conscious without even considering how it would affect me.
It was TMI.
It really did feel like he was giving me way too much info for my own good. He even wanted to go into details, like where he met the woman and how things started between them. I really didn’t need to know all of that now. If I had to know it all, it should have been back when we were an actual couple. Then I could have done something about it, like dump his sorry butt.
He denied me the opportunity to determine my own fate.
It’s so unfair that he hadn’t been honest with me because it had prevented me from having other opportunities in my life. By only telling me now that we weren’t together anymore, it felt like he was rubbing it in my face that I couldn’t leave him because our relationship was over.
It all felt a little too convenient.
It’s like he did whatever he wanted when we were together and then came clean only after the fact so that he didn’t have to lose me back when he still wanted me in his life. It was actually quite manipulative.
I was done with the past.
At the end of the day, no matter what could have (or not have) happened if I’d found out about his cheating when we’d been dating, the fact is that I was done with the past. I didn’t want it brought up now, when we’d both moved on. I get that he wanted to ease his own guilt, but seriously, sometimes it’s better not to tell someone your deepest, darkest secret because it can bring the other person more pain than they need.
I now had things to process.
From thinking I’d moved on from that relationship, now I was teleported back to the breakup. I had to work through my feelings at hearing the news of his betrayal. It was tough and made me question our entire relationship. I felt angry, frustrated, and really hurt.
Worst of all, I felt stupid.
How did I miss the signs that he’d been cheating on me? It was so crazy and made me feel quite pathetic. Had I turned a blind eye in the hope of my BF being perfect for me? Or had I not even caught a whiff of his cheating? Had he just been really good at hiding it? Honestly, it drove me crazy for weeks. I just hope that now that he’s got that burden off his chest, he’ll leave me alone for good.
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