For a while after my last breakup, I avoided all men. I just didn’t want to deal with the stress, trouble, and heartache that a relationship can bring. I was also in a bad place emotionally and mentally, so taking a dating hiatus was good for me. Now that I’ve built myself up and learned to love myself again, I’m ready to start dating again. Here’s how I know:
I actually like myself now.
The way I feel about myself obviously has a huge effect on the way I deal with dating. If I’m feeling crappy, the last thing I want to do is go meet some new dude and try to sell myself to him. Now that I feel great about myself, my life and who I am, dates don’t seem like such a big deal.
I’m more outgoing and friendly.
Shocker — it’s easier to meet men when I’m open and happy and nice to people. Funny how that works. When I was feeling insecure, I would avoid making eye contact and instead go about my day in a bubble. Now I make a concerted effort to do the opposite and it definitely works in my favor. Men actually approach me because now I have the confidence to let them do so.
I get less anxious making conversation.
I’m always nervous talking to new guys, especially if I think they’re super cute. Now that I feel confident that I have a lot to offer, I have an easier time staying comfortable and present when I make small talk. I still get a little nervous, but it’s much improved. I don’t run away from hot dudes anymore!
I know I’m worthy of big love.
I’ve always longed for big love, but I never thought I could really have it. I didn’t believe I actually deserved such a thing. Now I understand that everyone is worthy of amazing love and I am entitled to the happiness I want. This has empowered me to be optimistic and open myself up to dating again.
I don’t settle for BS guys anymore.
Not only do I feel like I can date again, for the first time I feel like I understand how to date correctly. I no longer try to make myself feel something I don’t or imagine a connection that’s not actually there. I won’t put up with crappy treatment or anything less than a wonderful man. If that means I move along, that’s fine with me.
I don’t take everything so personally.
I’ve learned a lot about myself, and that’s helped me get more comfortable with dating. I always hated it because I really, really hated being rejected. I took it as a sign that something was very wrong with me. Now I understand that it only means that the other person is either not right for me or not ready for someone like me. That frees me to date without fear.
I know how to walk away if it’s not right.
This was my other major dating problem — I didn’t understand when I was dating the wrong guy. My instincts would bug me, but I ignored them and tried to make it work because I felt I was failing if it didn’t. My brain was wired all wrong. Now that I understand who I am, I also understand what I need and what doesn’t work for me. It was tough to train myself to walk away, but I’m much better off.
I’m not self-conscious and awkward on dates.
I’m comfortable with who I am now. Before it was pretty much a lost cause to go on dates because I couldn’t be myself anyway. I was too concerned I wasn’t good enough. I always tried to be the girl that I thought a guy wanted me to be and that didn’t work either. Now I just go with it and if a guy doesn’t like me the way I am, that’s okay. On to the next one.
I don’t sell myself short anymore.
I feel so good! I’m strong and empowered and I know that I truly can do anything. It’s a wonderful place to be, and it makes everything in life easier, including dating. Now that I understand my value as a person, I also understand that it’s not worth it to settle for a mediocre dude who doesn’t appreciate me. It feels good to demand what I want from my dating life.
I’m more willing to take a chance and put myself out there.
I’m less self-conscious and insecure, so I’m down to take risks now. I control how I respond to what happens in my world. I have to make the decision to try and try and try again. If I pick myself back up every time I fall, I’m bound to succeed in love someday. I have more optimism and hope in my heart.
I’m no longer crushed by rejection.
If you don’t try at all, you can’t fail. That used to be my dating motto. I couldn’t be hurt because I never put myself out there. I firmly believed that I was better off not feeling anything than feeling pain. It wasn’t a healthy place to be. Once I learned to take a deep breath and move on when I feel rejected instead of getting horribly depressed, I empowered myself to open up to love again.
If something doesn’t work out, I have the tools to move forward.
I get devastated by breakups — that’s no overstatement. I have such a hard time that I decide I’d rather avoid dating altogether. Love terrifies me because I know I can lose it at any moment. I haven’t been in a relationship since I changed my perspective, but I’m hopeful enough to start dating again. I trust that I’ll choose more wisely now and trust my instincts.
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