Do Your Exes Always Settle Down With The Next Girl? Here’s Why

You see on your social media or find out through a friend that your ex got married to the girl he started dating right after you. WTF? He told you he never wanted to get married. Clearly, he meant just not to you, right? This phenomenon happens a lot and the reason is never that the next woman is any better than you. Here’s what’s really going on.

  1. He tested the commitment waters with you. It’s quite possible he originally never wanted to get married but after exploring a committed relationship with you, settling down became more appealing. You planted the seed and showed him it’s not so bad after all.
  2. He learned from his mistakes. His rookie ‘serious boyfriend’ screw-ups you endured improved his relationship A-game. He went through all his bachelorhood growing pains on your watch and leveraged the experience and lessons with the next girl. Awesome, right? (Insert eye roll here.)
  3. You helped him become a better man. When you first met him, he partied all night, never saved a dime, and had zero professional direction. You inspired him (read: pushed him) to get his act together. He actually did in the end, and going back to a crazy lifestyle of flings after you isn’t likely.
  4. Something was missing that he wanted. It could be that he loved everything about you but wished you were (shorter, tidier, a better baker, whatever). He chose her because she had that X-factor. I’m sure you also have a few things he’s missing from your own “ideal guy” list.
  5. You weren’t compatible for the long haul. Maybe you’re too career-focused for his long-term vision and he wanted someone willing to put that on hold to raise a family. Or, he’s outdoorsy and wanted a partner who’ll camp with him every weekend while your idea of camping is a 4-star hotel. She just jives better with his 50-year plan.
  6. Your relationship was too volatile. Maybe neither of you are combative but for whatever reason, you brought out the worst in each other. Relationships can turn toxic and spiral. It’s possible you triggered each other and fought frequently and hard. Then, his next relationship had less drama and fewer emotional extremes, which make it more conducive to go the distance.
  7. His friends started settling down. There’s no doubt guys mirror their squad. If his wolf pack is going domestic, he’ll be inspired to do the same. Plus, it’s much harder to be out mingling without a wingman. Nobody wants to be that creepy guy trolling the single scene alone.
  8. He got accustomed to not being alone. If you were together for a long time, he probably got used to being in a relationship. He may have remembered being single as better than it was and changed his mind, so when his next steady came along, he closed the deal.
  9. His family didn’t approve of you. Is there anything worse for a relationship than a meddling, crappy mother-in-law? Especially if he’s a mama’s boy—if she didn’t like you, you can be sure he heard about it. He may have avoided popping the question to avoid her disapproval.
  10. Your family didn’t like him. The same is true if he didn’t feel welcomed by your folks. If they made feel him like he didn’t belong or measure up, he didn’t want to sign-up for a lifetime of “we think she could’ve done waaay better than you!”
  11. He got to be “that age.” A research article by Danielle Brennan for Today states that most men don’t even consider marriage as a possibility until their mid-20s. “Ninety percent of men who have graduated from college are ready for the next step between ages 26 and 33; this is when they are most likely to consider marriage… Once men reach 33 or 34, the chances they’ll commit start to diminish, but only slightly. Until men reach 37, they remain very good prospects.”
  12. He thought you would say no and/or eventually leave him. Guys have insecurities too. It’s possible he thought you were out of his league and it was just a matter of time before you realized it. (He was probably right!)
  13. Their sexual chemistry is stronger. We’ve all been there and it’s tough to ignore this kind of attraction. It sometimes overpowers everything else. Zara Barrie writes in an article for Elite Daily, “Sexual attraction feels chemical, like a drug. It’s a glorious high unparalleled to anything else in the entire universe. It’s intoxicating. It’s addictive.”
  14. He feels she’s “The One.” We all know most people get married because they believe they’ve found their soulmate. Unfortunately, about half end up being wrong. He feels she’s the girl he was meant to be with and she very well could be. It’s literally a coin toss.
  15. So you could find your Mr. Right. This is the best reason of them all! He wasn’t it for you and that’s why it didn’t work out. Someday, if you aren’t doing so already, you’ll look back and be grateful that things are the way they are. You’ll smile and think, “Phew, better her than me.”
Diana Jordan is a Canadian writer, editor, and small business owner. When not working or spending time with her family and friends, she volunteers with seniors and adults with disabilities in her community. Diana is also a passionate sports fan and a merciless Chess player.