I Expect Access To My Partner’s Phone And I Won’t Apologize For It

I trust my partner 100% because we’ve been open and honest with each other from the beginning. That openness includes having access to my partner’s cell phone whenever I want. Some people may judge me for it, but here’s why I expect it.

1. I understand why it’s beneficial not to share everything. You need to have trust in a relationship, and a lot of people would argue that if you need to snoop, there’s obviously a lack of trust. I see the point, but I don’t think sharing phone passwords is that big of a deal. I know that couples also need their own lives and their own friends, and they may need to vent to someone else sometimes about their partners. However, my partner and I do this too, so we do maintain that balance.
2. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with not sharing cell phone passwords. To be clear, I’m not saying that people that do the opposite of what I do are wrong in any way. It can definitely put unnecessary stress on a relationship, especially when one partner thinks snooping is OK and the other doesn’t. I think each couple is unique, and what works for one relationship may not work for others. In our case, it’s what works for us.
3. In my opinion, there’s no reason why I shouldn’t have access to his phone. I don’t see why it’s such a bad thing to share phone passwords. It’s not like I’m obsessively checking his phone or accusing him of cheating. Most of the time I use it when he’s driving and he needs me to send someone a text or something like that, and when I’m doing that I also see who else he’s been talking to. If he has nothing to hide, he shouldn’t care if I look at his phone or not.
4. In return, he also has access to my phone whenever he wants it. It obviously has to go both ways. He can look at my phone whenever he wants to as well. It’s usually to use mine because he can’t find his or something. He rarely checks up on me because he knows he doesn’t need to, but he can if he feels the urge. I have no reason to be secretive. There are lots of benefits to being completely open like this.
5. It makes me feel like I know him so well. I don’t just get to see whom he talks to and what he talks about, but I also get to see what he’s been looking at. It even helps with getting gift ideas, for example, because we all know how hard it is to shop for guys. Overall, I feel like sharing phones makes us more connected because I know everything about him including what he’s been interested in lately.
6. It continually reinforces our trust in one another. We would trust each other even without access to each other’s cell phones, but the openness gives us comfort because we know that we have no reason not to trust each other since we can check up on one another if we want. If all of a sudden one of us became secretive about our cell phone use, it would be a huge red flag that’d need to be addressed right away. This actually happened to a friend of mine. Her husband randomly started keeping his phone from her and she immediately got suspicious. Turns out, he was cheating on her.
7. It helps us keep an open dialogue about our expectations. We always know who the other person has been talking to or texting with. The fact that we have access to each other’s phones helps keep the conversation going about what we think is appropriate or not for the other person to be doing. Because we do this, we’re always telling each other what we’ve been talking about with our friends because it’s become a habit. It’s something we bond over.
8. I very rarely check his phone now. At the beginning of our relationship, I’d go through his phone once in a while, which gave me peace of mind (I admit that I was a little insecure). If he did have a problem with it, things would’ve been different and it could’ve become an issue. It didn’t bother him and he was really understanding about it. And because he’s always been open about his cell phone, I don’t feel the need to check it anymore. I know that we’re on the same page about what’s acceptable and what’s not and I trust him completely.
9. He still has his privacy. I don’t need to know where he is every second of the day, and he’s allowed to do whatever he wants, so it’s not about control or anything like that. He also has his alone time and goes out with friends and I don’t check up on him. And again, it goes both ways. Maybe I sound like a psycho to some people, but it’s not like that. Being allowed to check each other’s phones is what works for us and it has been a positive thing for our relationship.