If You Expect Every Guy To Be A Loser, You’ll Never Get Anywhere

If You Expect Every Guy To Be A Loser, You’ll Never Get Anywhere ©iStock/Art-Of-Photo

There are a lot of losers out there. Sometimes, it seems like they’re all that’s left. But don’t get too cynical — that kind of thinking can hold you back from finding love. Here’s why:

  1. It keeps you from taking risks. Going in with a “he’s probably just a loser” mentality can be a good thing. It prevents you from falling for excessive charm and keeps you on the lookout for any other loser qualities that are your signal to leave. That being said, it can also make you look for issues that aren’t actually there, which could mean you miss out on a potentially great relationship.
  2. You move on too quickly. You had a few dates with a guy, expecting him to be a loser, and he was — not much of a surprise there because you were expecting it. This makes it so much easier to forget the loser than if you had unrealistic expectations he was going to be an amazing boyfriend. However, it can also be a self-fulfilling prophecy and cause you to write guys off over little things that aren’t actually an issue and don’t make him a bad guy.
  3. You prefer no strings attached arrangements. If you’re expecting every guy you meet to be a waste of your time, then you’re clear about your choices: you can either ignore the guy or get to know him without any pressure of it leading to something meaningful. The problem is, you actually want long-term love, but if you avoid it because you don’t think he wants it/is capable of it, you’re kinda defeating the purpose of making connections.
  4. You avoid amazing opportunities. Of course, being emotionally detached can be good when meeting someone new, but if you keep yourself locked behind an invisible wall, you could be pushing a good guy away — because yes, they still exist. Allow yourself to be pleasantly surprised and if you’re not, it’s really no loss to you.
  5. You come off as defensive. The problem with thinking all guys are bad news is that it can put off a decent guy from approaching you. Your energy will give signals that you’re ready to fight or put them in their place, especially if you’re standing around with your arms crossed or giving the guy lots of snappy comments. There’s no harm in protecting yourself, but don’t let it make you become the jerk.
  6. You don’t see guys for who they are. If you’re waiting for guys to reveal their inner loser, when you’re getting to know them you won’t really allow yourself to see who they really are. Sure, you’re sharing a laugh and asking each other questions, but at the back of your mind you’re trying to see if there’s any small sign that they’re jerks. It’s draining and makes you miss out on enjoying a possible connection.
  7. You become a man hater Staying away from the bad guys is a smart thing to do, but lumping all men into the same category can make you a man hater. What’s wrong with that, you ask? Well, aren’t you just as bad as the men who assume every woman is a gold digger? It sorta does. If you’re a great woman (which you are), then surely logically it means there are decent dudes out there. They might bring something cool into your life if you let them.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.