Hell Yeah I Expect A Lot From Guys, But Nothing I’m Not Prepared To Do For Them

I’ll be the first one to admit that I expect a lot from the guys I date. To a lot of people, my standards are pretty intense and I refuse to budge on them, which means I spend a lot of time single. I don’t think what I want is unreasonable at all, especially since all the things I’m looking for are all things I’ll happily offer my partner in return. Here are some of my must-haves.

  1. Respect How can a relationship exist without it? I don’t expect guys to understand how I feel or where I’m coming from 24/7, but I do expect them to respect my thoughts, feelings, and ideas regardless. This is especially true when we’re fighting. I don’t care how angry or frustrated he is — there are some things that can’t be taken back once said, so he needs to bite his tongue and keep things civil.
  2. Consideration When I’m in a relationship with someone, I expect to be considered when he makes major decisions in his life. We’re a unit, which means what he chooses to do will often affect me. He shouldn’t be taking new jobs, deciding to move to new cities, or even accepting invitations to parties without talking to me about it. If he doesn’t consider me, he doesn’t care about me.
  3. Affection I’m not crazy about PDA or anything, but when we’re behind closed doors, there’s no excuse for my partner not showing me physical affection. This shouldn’t be reserved just for when we’re having sex or when he wants to have sex. The occasional hug, hand-hold, or kiss goes a long way in showing me that my partner cares about me, which is something I need to know.
  4. Trust I don’t want to have to second guess everything my partner tells me. I don’t want to worry that when he goes out with his friends, he’s cheating on me with another woman. I don’t want to have to think he’s lying when he claims he’s totally over his ex but they’re still talking 24/7. I’m not a naturally paranoid person, but I also don’t want to have to be so permissive that I end up being played for a fool. I should be able to trust that he’s loyal and wouldn’t hurt or betray me like that.
  5. Laughter Life sucks sometimes and the only thing that will get us through is being able to laugh at it. We also need to be able to laugh at ourselves and each other (though never maliciously). A life devoid of humor and fun is really not for me. I’m not saying my partner needs to be a stand-up comedian or anything, but I want someone I can be silly and ridiculous with. Isn’t that just the best?
  6. Effort No relationship is effortless and I expect the guys I date to know that. Every single one takes work at different times and in different ways, and we both need to be willing to put it in. Without both people putting in effort, the relationship begins to stagnate. People begin to feel unwanted, unloved, and unappreciated, and I don’t want that for either of us. We both have to want things to work as much as the other, end of story.

More things I expect from the guys I date

  1. Communication It’s a bit of a cliche at this point to say that men are bad at communication. I know very well that not all of them are and none of them have to be. I expect guys who are no longer in high school to be able to talk about what they’re thinking and feeling and to be willing to share it with me so that we can address small issues before they become big ones. This is how we’ll survive long-term.
  2. Forgiveness Sometimes I’m going to mess up and I need a guy who understands that, accepts my genuine apology, and doesn’t throw things back in my face for the rest of our relationship. We’re all imperfect human beings and deserve grace. I will offer him the same, of course. (Note that I’m not talking about forgiveness for major betrayals. I’m aware some things are unforgivable.)
  3. Good sex Yep, getting to the good stuff. Just as all the guys I’ve dated expect the woman they’re dating to put out regularly, I expect our time in bed to be good. I’m not just going to lay there limp until he’s finished, which means I don’t want him to just pump away at me and then leave me to get myself off. We should willing to experiment together, to learn how to bring each other pleasure, and to continue to prioritize that intimacy.
  4. Financial security There, I said it! I’m not looking for a rich partner to make me a kept woman. I work hard for my money and am in a stable financial place. I don’t have any substantial debts and I manage my money well and I want a guy who has the same perspective. If we’re going to build a solid future together, we’re going to need money to do it, so we need to be in the same place (or at least working towards it).
  5. A healthy dose of realism At the end of the day, relationships are never perfect. They’re going to go through ups and downs. Sometimes they’ll be better than others. Sometimes we’ll want to walk away. The point is, having a healthy perspective and the ability to be realistic about these things will help us get past any bumps in the road. That’s all I really want, and I expect the guys I date to be the same.
Bolde has been a source of dating and relationship advice for single women around the world since 2014. We combine scientific data, experiential wisdom, and personal anecdotes to provide help and encouragement to those frustrated by the journey to find love. Follow us on Instagram @bolde_media or on Facebook @BoldeMedia
close-link
close-link
close-link